In November of last year, I received two phone calls from my husband, who lives in the same town as I do. He was going to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, to visit our daughter and her family, who live there, for his annual trip. He was inviting me to come at the same time to celebrate our granddaughter turning four. I was shocked! I said to the Lord, "If I'm to go, please have him ask me one more time!" Thirty minutes later, the phone rang. It was my husband calling to ask, "Did you book your ticket yet?"
 
After running it by my daughter for her agreement, she said, "Mom, surprise Dad. He loves doing the surprises; it's his turn to get one. He must want you here if he's asked two times." I immediately booked my ticket.
 
So a day after he arrived, I arrived. I believe He was pleasantly surprised. He kept saying, "I'm so glad you came. I couldn't understand how you kept stalling." Maybe I'm not used to my prodigal husband inviting me on vacation!
 
Puerto Vallarta is a place we celebrated our last 15 anniversaries while we were together. We both love it equally! Our last time, celebrating our 25th, is when the enemy started the "STEAL" in our marriage! I wounded my husband deeply with harsh words of accusation of not loving me the way I needed. We never got the help we needed, and two years later, we separated. Unforgiveness had dug in its ugly roots.
 
1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone (even a marriage) to devour.
 
God used this horrible experience to bring my children to Christ, and in turn, they prayed me back into the kingdom. Shortly after this, I found Covenant Keepers, and the healing began.
 
The angry relationship between my husband and me started to soften as I began to heal and see my husband in a new light. When my heart posture changed, we finally became able to be together for family birthdays and times together with the grandchildren at our recreational home. I always called out to my group for prayer support to carry me through these times.
 
So here we are in Mexico together; coffees in the morning, breakfast on the beach, preparing our granddaughter's party together. Pinch me; is this really happening?
 
God was showing me my husband's true heart, that family matters, that he wants to be in his grandchildren's lives, and that my prayers were being answered. He was reminiscing about old times, the good ones, and I pray the old bad ones have been erased. God gave us reruns of past trips and previews of how it can be now and in the future. God is STOPPING the lies.
The U.S. election had just taken place, and he loved discussing it with my daughter and me. The phrase, "Stop the Steal," was heard often, and that's when the Holy Spirit very clearly spoke to me, saying, "Your stand is saying to the devil, I'm STOPPING THE STEAL! THAT'S ENOUGH! You can't steal marriages either!
 
My daughter-in-law had told me a few years back that watching my stand and the restoration of my husband's relationship had encouraged her to stay with my son through a difficult time when she wanted to run. We cried together and gave God the glory. The enemy had been STOPPED in their marriage.
 
My stand has been long, with many missed opportunities for reconciliation on my part. The enemy had me in so much fear that I could not trust restoration as long as the non-covenant was alive. I have asked God for forgiveness and received more healing in these areas. On this trip to Mexico, I felt feelings for my husband I haven't felt in a very long time. It was like old times. When we stand with the Lord, and we get the opportunity to be with our husband, we're ready. It's like, yes! This is the kind of restoration that Jesus wants; let's go!
 
It's not so simple for our prodigals who are entangled in their mess, especially if their lives are not surrendered to God. But I got to appreciate him treating me respectfully as his wife, buying my dinners, carrying my suitcase, throwing balls at me in the pool like years ago, telling my grandkids nice things about grandma in front of me, BABYSITTING TOGETHER, so our son-in-law could take our daughter out for their ANNIVERSARY. It was so enjoyable and exciting! He kept saying, "It feels like HOME here," something we had always talked about for our retirement.
 
God proved to me that even with long stands, He could pop up these surprises and plan times that I wasn't expecting; He is ALWAYS at work in our prodigals' lives through our prayers. We can't limit God because it has been a long stand. HE IS GOD. HE IS A WAYMAKER, MIRACLE WORKER, PROMISE KEEPER, LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS! 
 
John 10:10 The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come to give you LIFE and give it MORE ABUNDANTLY.
 
Every night for years, I've prayed Job 33:14-18, that God would speak to my husband as he lays on his bed at night… Being together daily for three weeks, I saw God's work before my eyes. My husband so wanted to talk about end times, an indication, I believe, that God is drawing him back to himself. 
 
After three weeks, it was time for me to return home. My husband was staying one more week.
 
He came along with the rest of the family to take me to the airport. We reminisced about all the fun dinners, excursions, and parties we had enjoyed together as we drove. The love in the car was evident. Only God could orchestrate this.
 
My husband got out of the car, and as he lifted my suitcase down for me, I couldn't resist telling him I loved him and that I'd had the most beautiful time. I saw a tear in his eye as he said goodbye and to have a safe trip.
Something had really shifted on this vacation. God used our old romantic get-a-way in a NEW WAY many years later. I believe my husband also felt a FREEDOM that I know he doesn't have in his other life.
   
Since I've been home and looking back, I believe the Holy Spirit has shown me to pray against our voices that have been STOPPED, the many things that could not be discussed on both our parts. You could feel that words were there but could not be spoken. That may be the NEXT STEP in our healing. It's a huge process, but God is more than ABLE.
 
WE ALL ARE STOPPING THE STEAL WITH OUR STANDS. WE CANNOT GROW WEARY IN WELL DOING. IT TAKES TIME, BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL.
 
The verse He has given me is Isaiah 43:18, But forget all that— it is NOTHING compared to what I am about to do, something new. See, I have already begun.
 
POST SCRIPT: In my next blog, I will continue the story of how it is now back at home. One clue - it's been another big lesson in laying it all down and surrendering everything to the Father. Thanks for reading; I'm working on being open and vulnerable for God's Glory.

‘It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.’ Deuteronomy 7:7-8 ESV

“Bright but unapplied.” These words, spoken by a middle school guidance counselor,  landed on me and were immediately absorbed into my 12-year-old heart like summer rain that falls onto parched farmland. The lack of imparted identity from my earthly father exposed me to be impacted by the careless words of a well-intentioned guidance counselor. Still, on that day, a bad seed was sown into my heart, and later in life, it grew fruit.

Without being modeled the heart of a father in your life, it becomes challenging to imagine God as loving. It is especially true in certain denominations of the Christian faith that emphasize God as the judge. For example, in the United States, just the word “judge” creates a mental picture of someone in a black robe sitting behind a large, raised desk who strikes a gavel determining the fate of those accused. That is not the God I want you to know.

There are many ways that God the Father has revealed himself to his people. In the Old Testament, God revealed himself to Abram (before he was called Abraham) as God Almighty or El Shaddai in Hebrew. Hebrew scholars interpret El Shaddai as “God, the All-Sufficient One.” God chose to reveal himself this way because he wanted Abram to personally rely upon him as his provider, giver, and source of life who supplies him with all he needs.

‘From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.’ James 3:10 (ESV)

Those words spoken over me by that guidance counselor took hold, and somewhere deep in my heart, I made an unholy vow that “I was going to work harder than anyone else, and I will never fail.” The fruit of believing the lie that “I was unapplied” yielded fruit such as striving, competition, constant affirmation seeking, and performance. The confusing thing is that the secular world (with its worldly views and not biblical views) rewards ultra-hard-working people.

Many high-performance people bottle the wounds of a lack of blessing and lack of impartation of identity and turn them into self-sufficiency. This self-sufficiency is the opposite of how God the Father revealed himself to Abram as El Shaddai, “God, the All-Sufficient One.” Without knowing it, when you become self-sufficient and get into striving, you can often exalt yourself over God, leaning on your works to get what you need. This is not how God wanted to be known first.

Chris Tomlin, a Christian artist, performed a song called “Good Good Father” written by Tony Brown and Pat Barrett, a worship song that touches upon what can happen if you get a revelation of God as a Father. The chorus of that song praises God the Father with lyrics like:

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

It proclaims a Spirit of Adoption, where the singer reveals the identity of God the Father as good. It further declares that we are loved by God the Father, and it is our identity. There are over 30 different names for God in Hebrew. Seven names are considered divine in Jewish tradition, including El, Elohim, Adonai, YHWH, Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh, Shaddai, and Tzevaot. God revealed himself to Moses as YHWH (pronounced Yahweh), which translates to “I am Who I am.” YHWH is linked to seven very intimate, relational descriptions that begin to describe God as a Father. They include:

• Yahweh Jireh - Lord, Our Provider (Genesis 22:14)
• Yahweh Rapha – Lord, Our Healer (Exodus 15:26)
• Yahweh Nissi – Lord, Our Banner (Exodus 17:15)
• Yahweh Shalom – Lord, Our Peace (Judges 6:24)
• Yahweh Tsidkenu – Lord, Our Righteousness (Jeremiah 33:16)
• Yahweh Rohi – Lord, Our Shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
• Yahweh M’kadesh – Lord, Our Holiness (Exodus 31:13)

Once you begin to get a revelation of God as a Father, you begin to understand better how much He loves you. Knowing His love, you’ll learn that you are accepted and that He approves of you. You’ll know He has kind intentions and does not cause evil in this world. With His love, you’ll be confident and secure, knowing you are His and that He has given you a destiny. You’ll have a great sense of purpose and satisfaction knowing that you have an identity and destiny in Him.

There was a time I was far from God. Fully operating in the world and not in my faith, I was selfish, self-centered, self-sufficient, and determined to do things “my way.” For a season, I was running from God in pursuit of everything I thought would help fill a hole in my heart. So I thought that if I got that new job, made more money, traveled to more countries, and met more people, I would become fulfilled.

‘but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ‘Romans 5:8 (ESV)

In my selfish sin, I found myself on my couch at 2:30 in the morning, crying my eyes out to Joyce Meyer (a Christian author and speaker), wondering why I felt so empty inside. I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ at that time and was doing everything wrong in my flesh. Yet, God the Father pursued me. He did so relentlessly.

Almost every day, some dad from my kid’s school would stop by and drop their kids off for a play date and then linger around long enough to offer time to chat. Some would invite me to church, while others would ask me to a men’s group or to have coffee with me. One of my best friends at a former employer even sent me a copy of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. God used many people to pull me towards Him. At the time, I was so prideful that I looked like Heisman Trophy and stiff-armed everyone who intimated that I needed Jesus. But, being honest with myself, I struggled with insecurity and shame, always needing validation because I felt like an orphan deep down inside.

Yet, God continued to pursue me. God had a calling on my life that He wanted me to fulfill. He knew that He would one day call me into ministry to share the good news of a loving father. God was ready to adopt me into sonship so that I may receive His inheritance. Praise God because if you knew me back then, you wouldn’t feel I deserved such grace.

Luke 15 11-32 is The Parable of the Prodigal Son. People often remember the story where the son squanders his inheritance on wrong things and returns to his father, who forgives him and throws a banquet, much to the dismay of his brother. But if you unpack this parable, you’ll see the heart of the father and what it means to live out of sonship.

This parable is really about God the Father and how He relates to us and how we relate to Him. It reveals an orphan mindset and speaks to how we should live as sons in His house. In biblical times, if a Jewish son had squandered his inheritance among the gentiles, the community would cut him off and reject him. Anyone caught speaking to the rejected person would be shamed.

‘And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.’ Luke 15:20 (ESV)

Yet, when the prodigal son returned, the Father risked public shame to embrace his son. That is the true heart of the Father. Furthermore, the Father loved his obedient son just as much. But, as the father’s son, who obediently stayed home and didn’t defile himself and lose his portion of his inheritance, lamented the seemingly unjust favoritism for his lost brother, he missed what was already given to him.

‘And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. ‘Luke 15:31 (ESV)

The Prodigal Son story reveals the Father’s generosity to both sons. God celebrates the return and gives all He has to His sons. To one, he restores all privileges of full sonship to a wayward son. His sin is forgiven, and he has the full rights that a son has. To the other, he has shared his entire inheritance. It was always his at all times. It was never taken away. All the son had to do was receive it. What is the message to you? All that is His is yours. You don’t have to earn it. It is already yours.

‘And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.’ 
2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV)

God is a loving Father who wants to pour His blessing on our lives. He sees us as who He created us to be. Not as who we may see ourselves. Knowing the Father’s love is the first step in trusting in Him, knowing that He always has the best intentions for you.
I remember the first time I was invited to preach at a church in rural Pennsylvania. My sermon was entitled Kingdom Power: The Word of Mouth. It was about the power of the tongue and how words from others can bless or curse.  

‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.‘ 
Proverbs 18:21 (ESV)

During the sermon, the Holy Spirit moved in me to give everyone in the congregation a large popsicle stick and a sharpie marker. I asked everyone to write down a statement that was spoken over their life that has imparted an unholy identity. In other words, I asked them to write down an identity curse on that popsicle stick. We prayed to the Father and reminded ourselves that only one person has the authority to give us identity. And then, in Jesus’ name, we broke those popsicle sticks and laid them at the foot of the cross at the sanctuary. We invited the Holy Spirit to move and prayed to God to show us how our Father sees us. Finally, we gave everyone name badges to write how their Father sees them.

The Holy Spirit moved in that room. Chains and curses that were there sometimes for over 40 years were broken. I saw 70-year-old men weeping like children and women glowing with the Glory of God on their countenances. For me, only by personally understanding the loving nature of God the Father and through the presence of the Holy Spirit was I able to help minister such a beautiful moment.

At that time, I physically felt the hand of God on my shoulder. He wanted me to identify as Son and walk in it. I truly felt loved, that I was His son and that I please Him. As I write this now, my heart fills to overflowing, and my eyes weep that He would use a broken, lost prodigal to minister to others about the heart of the Father. I am so thankful. My life was never the same after that. In my deepest private places, I just want to be used by Him for His purposes. I only want to serve Him for the rest of my days.

If you don’t know the heart of the Father, it is ok. Just pray out to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you as He did for Abram, Moses, Isaiah, Jacob, David, Jesus, and many others. As you receive this revelation, ask Him “Who am I?” and allow His loving words to impart identity and destiny in your life. Remember that His inheritance is already given to you. You don’t have to do anything to earn it, even if you feel that you squandered it away. Even if you think your sin disqualified you from it, it is already yours, given freely to you, just as a loving Father would do.

Koji Bell is a Co-Director of Covenant Keepers, Inc. together with his wife Deana. Koji started his married life like many others. He focused on climbing the corporate ladder, tried to achieve financial success, served on leadership teams at church and worked to be the best husband and father he could be. After being hit by a drunk driver, life spun out of control and his marriage went in crisis. Then he chose to surrender his life to Jesus and everything changed. Today, Koji walks in victory humbled by his call to ministry and this new season of abundant blessing and service. Koji is a licensed Pastor and is a graduate of Dove | Hopewell School of Ministry.

Imagine you and your spouse have been in strife for a really long time. You’ve been working really hard at your marriage but try as you might, both of you can’t make it work. The relationship temperature has been rising and you both realize that perhaps you need a little time off. Perhaps some time at Mom’s house is just the right amount of space you need to think clearly.

Then, you just happened to be scrolling through Facebook and you notice that your spouse just turned their status from married to “it's complicated”. Oooofff.

Perhaps you are at a later stage in your marriage stand. Imagine that you have been separated for months, maybe years. You’ve been faithfully praying for the restoration of your marriage. Because officially the two of you are still married according to the local (earthly) courts, you have a joint saving account that the two of you were contributing to for your kid’s tuition.

One day, you look at your account statement and see that all of the money was transferred to an account number you have never seen before. In a panic, you call the bank and that new account number is with another bank and has your spouse’s name on it.

We’ve all faced a similar moment some time in our marriage. You are in a calm and restful state and in an instant, you are in full-blown fight or flight mode. Physiologically, your heart races. Your breath quickens and shallows. Your face, chest, and ears become flush red. Some will even hear a ringing tone in their ear while others share that sound begins to muffle.

You are in a Survive Cycle. Survive mode activates a threat-seeking radar system. It literally releases chemicals in your brain which causes it to become laser-focused. Your brain releases hormones to activate your muscles and constrict blood flow to non-essential areas such as digestion and reason-based thinking. In those situations, all logical reasoning stops.

Energy spikes during survival cycles because you are in fight or flight mode. Eventually, the energy burns out and your body crashes. Did you ever notice that during survival mode you are not hungry? Funny how people bring you casseroles during a crisis because they intuitively know that food is the last thing you’re thinking about.

What is going on spiritually is that fear and anxiety are ruling over your body and soul. The moment we heard the bad news, we jumped to a conclusion. I am not safe. I am not secure. I am going to be ruined. And at that moment, we opened a door. A door to the enemy. You have to remember, fear and anxiety are not of God. They are in fact, sacred pillars of the enemy. When we get thrown into a fear and anxiety-driven cycle and the enemy has their way with our minds.

Since the days that Adam & Even walked in the garden and ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, our brains have been hard-wired to recognize and react to threats.

'Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” ' Genesis 3:8-10

You have to remember that Adam and Eve were living in perfect conditions. There were no threats until they ate from the tree. Nothing could harm them. So much so, they didn’t even have a need to wear clothes. They knew nothing of fear or anxiety. It didn’t even exist. Until the fall.

Since that day, fear and anxiety came into the earth. And fear is a common fiery dart of the enemy used to steer you away from the presence of the Lord. It is specifically designed to make you hide from your heavenly Father. As you take your eyes off your Father, the enemy can get you to look into his world where he has dominion and authority.

Let me tell you about a Holy man of God. The Prophet Elijah. You may know this story from 1 Kings 18:20-40. I encourage you to look this up. It is one of the most dramatic showdowns when Elijah, one of the most powerful prophets, called down the fire of the Lord and proved to the evil prophets of Baal that the invisible God of Abraham was the one and only God. Immediately after this scene, Elijah was able to wipe out the Prophets of Baal.

Between you and me, I have to believe that at that moment, Elijah was feeling like he was on top of the world. If it were me, I probably would be walking around with my chin up, chest out, and making it clear that the God of Abraham chose me to be His prophet so look out!

'Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord ,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. ' 1 Kings 19:1-8

In what seemed like just hours after a decisive victory over prophets of a false god, our hero of the faith Elijah was running for his life! He was so struck by fear that Jezebel would catch him that he laid down in a bush in the wilderness and prayed that he would die!

But that is not our God. God asked Elijah a very important question in 1 Kings 19:9. God asked Elijah “What are you doing here, Elijah?” Remember that question. It is very important. Keep reading.

My wife Deana and I were separated and living in two homes. I didn’t know it was the Lord at that time but an unexplainable conviction was on my heart to not leave Deana financially destitute as we prepared for divorce. Trust me, I didn’t like Deana at the time but I knew I couldn’t cause her (and by extension the children) harm by forcing her to sell the house and move. Long story short, I gave her about 65% of my income. As a result, I was not able to make my own ends meet. I was burning cash at a fast rate.

I was working for a London, UK-based software company at the time and I had a generous pay plan that offered sizeable bonus checks based on performance. That year, I was to be paid out a large bonus that represented material income for us. During the season I was separated. I was not within God’s will for my life. As such, the enemy made sure that my car engine blew up, my bills exceeded my remaining income by over $2K per month, and I was paying the private school tuition.

When that bonus check came through, I (in my flesh) felt that I was overly generous to Deana and I didn’t need to tell her about the bonus check. I know. Bad call.

But here is when I went from 0 to 10 in milliseconds. We shared bank accounts still since we were separated. Despite transferring the money out to another account, it was direct deposited. I’m sure Deana saw that one day we had our normal sub $100 in our joint checking account and then suddenly it went to much more and then minutes later it went back down again. While I was in sin, I felt like I was invisible. Turns out, I wasn’t.

I was in the UK at the time and Deana’s response was nuclear. She basically told me that she was going to call my boss if I didn’t immediately transfer the portion we had agreed to during separation. She would expose me and if that got me fired, oh well. I have 2 hours.
Panic. The Lord spoke to me. “What are you doing Koji?”

Let’s go back to the garden or back to the mountain where Elijah was hiding or even in my personal story. God had to speak and ask “Where are you?” or “What are you doing here, Elijah? or “Koji what are you doing?”

It's not like God doesn’t know where we are or what we are doing. We are talking about the Alpha and the Omega. He knows everything before we do. But why does He ask us these questions? Because they are prompts. Prompts for us to choose Him. Prompts to allow us to be face to face with Him during the moments of our biggest needs! He is sovereign so the choice to seek Him first is placed in our hands.

Survive mode can literally shut down our ability to hear from the Lord. Because we are making an agreement with fear & anxiety at that moment, we are shrouded in darkness unable to see and hear from the Lord. It's not that He is not there, we are just making an unintentional choice to make an agreement with the accuser who is telling us we are not safe and that we will be ruined for the rest of our lives.

Look. It is understandable but you must seek God’s refuge in order to hear from God in your moment of crisis! I implore you, do not dwell in the place of fear and anxiety.

'We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ' 2 Corinthians 10:5

Different than the Survive Cycle, thrive mode activates the opportunity-seeking radar system. It too releases chemicals in your brain. These chemicals broaden perspective, increase energy, and raises excitement. Thrive cycles often carry the attributes of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Sound familiar?

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ' Galatians 5:22-23

When is the last time you were in thrive mode? After speaking with thousands of people praying for their marriage to be healed, only a small percentage would say they are in a thriving cycle. What is happening during thrive cycles is that presence of God is operative and our hearts fill with the love of the Father.

Remember the words of Jesus; 'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.' John 10:10

After Deana & my restoration, we were together but not yet healed. The UK-based company that I was working for sold the company to a French organization. I was immediately let go and I took another job with a different Silicone Valley software company that I felt had ethical issues and I refused to “play ball”. After making it clear I was going to maintain my ethical boundaries, I was let go from that job and became unemployed for 6 months.

Yet I thrived.

God had me right where He needed me. I was all too good at getting busy on the next job, traveling all over the world, and avoiding the healing I desperately needed. He needed to “forcibly” eliminate any distractions so that I could hear from him and learn more about Him.
During that season, I was reading the Bible for over 6 hours per day. When I wasn’t in the Word, I was soaking in the Word. I had to feel the feelings of all that had happened. Strife, separation, near divorce, two separate houses, family members that took sides, loss of friends, all of it.
I cried a lot during those 6 months but I wouldn’t change a thing. Financially, we were in ruin.

“They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.” Psalm 92 13-15 ESV

Deana & I were broke. We couldn’t afford health insurance. Back then, President Obama made it illegal to not have insurance. The people that couldn’t afford health insurance got the privilege to pay a fine for not having it. Not the ideal solution for people like us with no money.

Yet, the Lord was working in us. The Lord began using us in ministry. We were Covenant Keepers group leaders and regional directors for the Midwest. We were running a group that bared fruit with multiple restorations. We had the fastest-growing group in Covenant Keepers at the time. We were also Coordinators and Facilitators with Craig Hill from Family Foundations. We ministered to many people and watched as the Lord provided inner healing to many and transformed lives before our eyes.

To outsiders, we looked like unemployed, born-again Christian zealots gone crazy. We ate rice and beans and shopped at thrift stores because that is all we could afford. We tithed at the same dollar value as when I was a high-paid software executive. To the outside world, the Bells had lost their minds!

But that is not how the Father saw us. No sir.

What the father saw was two very broken people so desperate for God to move in our lives that if you walked in our house, you might just see both of us face down (in a prone position) in prayer. What our Abba Father saw in me was a broken, desperate, and hungry soul begging for the Lord to lead him. I needed a Father. I needed to know a Father’s love. I asked him for everything. Our next meal, provision to pay a medical bill, how to relate to my wife, everything.
He used my absolute surrender to bring me to a place of abiding love in Him.

'Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.' John 15:4

You can’t necessarily control what will happen to you. The enemy prowls looking for someone to devour. But he is a liar. The enemy wants you trapped in survival mode where he can keep you full of fear and anxiety. But your Father in Heaven wants to carry your burdens.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.””

If you read this article or watch my sermon, I have to believe that you might feel like you are in survival mode. You are probably staring at the mess that was left behind when your spouse walked out. You may be working multiple jobs to make ends meet, beating yourself up because you aren’t able to spend time with the family. And you are exhausted.

It probably feels like every time you catch up, something happens and you are knocked back on the ground and into despair. Some days, it feels like a miracle to get out of bed.

But here is the truth. You are a son or a daughter of God most high. You are a man or you are a woman. Perfectly equipped for this moment. What you need to get through this survival moment is already in you. You are valuable and you are a blessing!

You are also a husband or a wife. It doesn’t matter what others say. You are a part of the body of Christ. Jesus has watched you in this struggle. Every tear you shed is stored. He says to you;
 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” You are called to thrive even in this difficult season. God wants to spend time with you. He pursues you because He loves you. He wants to carry your burdens so that you will have peace.

Koji Bell is a Co-Director of Covenant Keepers, Inc. together with his wife Deana. Koji started his married life like many others. He focused on climbing the corporate ladder, tried to achieve financial success, served on leadership teams at church and worked to be the best husband and father he could be. After being hit by a drunk driver, life spun out of control and his marriage went in crisis. Then he chose to surrender his life to Jesus and everything changed. Today, Koji walks in victory humbled by his call to ministry and this new season of abundant blessing and service. Koji is a licensed Pastor and is a graduate of Dove | Hopewell School of Ministry.

When my husband left, I was devastated. I felt hurt and worthless. I know you know that feeling.  
I never thought of my husband as defining my worth, but that is how I felt at the moment he left the marriage. During the first two years after he left, I often felt outraged. Our CK friend and pastor, Craig Hill, often talks about our anger as the "warning light" for our underlying hurt. He says, "you would not bash out the warning light of anger, hoping that it will solve the pain under the offense." (paraphrased)

I do not know about you, but I do not want just to manage my anger; I believe God can heal it and free me from the underlying hurt. So when I feel angry, I try to remember to take the matter to Jesus and ask Him to show me where the root of the anger is. As Psalm 30:3 says, "I cried to You for help, and You healed me." How good is that? One of the Lord's many promises for us.

When I wrote this article on anger, God must have decided to use this opportunity for another nudge in my growth. Recently a staff member at work unknowingly cooperated with God's desire for me to grow by doing some things that triggered my anger. Over the time of my stand for covenant, God has healed many of my wounds during healing prayer sessions, especially some wounds dealing with my self-worth. However, there is still more to heal.

I got disproportionally angry at the second incident in two days, in which this person offended me at work with her actions. I felt hurt and disrespected, ignored, and as if my opinion had no value. Those are feelings I have had most of my life, wounds I brought to our marriage that my husband also frequently triggered.

Much to my chagrin, I did not grow up learning how to express my feelings at all, let alone constructively, when people offend me. Jesus has the grace to continue teaching me and give me guidance on that.  

In my example of getting angry at the person at my work, I was aware of the problem in my Spirit. That was the first step. Once I got home, I realized I needed to ask Jesus how to get rid of the emotions instead of turning the incident over and over in my head and letting it ruin my evening. I asked Jesus to show me the root of the anger. He said, "Disagreements happen; they are not a comment on your personal worth."

He graciously took me back to a memory in my childhood in which I was told by an angry person, "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all." Jesus also showed me some generational patterns of stuffing anger and exploding with anger in my family. Perhaps I inherited this feeling of stored up, unexpressed anger. God says, "In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4: 26-27)

I asked Jesus to take the Sword of the Spirit and cut off the ungodly soul ties between my family and me, and I prayed to release the generational iniquities of anger in my family. Humbly, I prayed, "Lord, help me to express my feelings Your way when I feel those feelings so that I do not stuff it and it does not become petrified, cold, resentment, and bitterness. I desire to live free."  Jesus replied to me, "Yes, I will help you express the anger appropriately if you take My hands and walk with Me." He is the way the truth and the life. He said, "Come and rest in me. Your opinion is valuable, and I created you."

I have learned to gently but firmly tell people when they step on my boundaries. But I have also learned that their actions are not a comment on my worth; they are their actions. Yes, I can grow into believing this with Jesus beside me and going before me, even though the practice is something that I do not necessarily enjoy.  

Jesus pointed out to me that He did not get angry and fume when the Pharisees challenged Him. He also did not explode when they tried to trick Him into "sinning," or when His disciples were slow learners. He did not need to get angry.

The Pharisees had emotional baggage under their spoken questions; their words and anger did not put a value on Jesus' worth. Jesus was so sure of His identity and value in Father God that those arrows (words) shot by the Pharisees bounced right off Him. Jesus is the Breastplate of Righteousness and our Shield of Faith with which we can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one! (Ephesians 6:14-16)  It is essential to be faithful about donning that breastplate every day and taking up the shield of faith. It really can set your day on a positive trajectory.

God has taught me that the best response I can give when a person confronts me in anger is to respond with the opposite spirit. If they are harsh, I should love them by listening with the goal of understanding them.

As in walking in their shoes or seeing the situation from their perspective, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4) Isn't that precisely what we should do with our spouses in order to love them unconditionally? "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

In my healing process with Jesus, He gave me a Holy Spirit-filled counselor who listened so well, with empathy and validation of my feelings, that I felt like Jesus was listening to me. I believe I received healing from that listening process. "Take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19-20)  In our daily sacred time with Jesus, and any other time, we can all close our eyes, picture Jesus, look Him in the eyes and talk to Him. He is a terrific listener, and that time builds a relationship that allows us to receive God's healing love. The more loved I feel deep in my heart, the more of Jesus' love I can let flow through me to others by listening to them.

My counselor also used scripture to "speak the truth in love" to me, as mentioned in Ephesians 4:15. Jesus' love and healing have allowed me to improve receiving and responding to others when they confront me about how I have offended them. As you know, Jesus is the Way, the Word, the Truth, and the Life, the Light that shines in our darkness! (John 1: 1-5, 14)

Peacemaker Ministries has some terrific resources about Biblical responses to conflict and how conflict can be used as an opportunity to glorify God.

Craig Hill, the founder of Family Foundations International (FFI), has Biblical communication tools for wives and husbands applicable in other relationships (see his book, Two Fleas, and No Dog).

BY: Susan Marvin, Board Member, Group Leader

Imagine, the very first people to know of the arrival of the Messiah were shepherds. At the time, shepherds were not revered as the holy symbol of caretakers of the flock. No. At the time, most people with any education or skilled vocation scoffed at shepherds because they were dirty, perhaps even smelly from walking long distances and sleeping with the animals. They were not the ones held in high regard yet, God chose them to be the very first to reveal the good news to the world.

There are so many focal points about the birth of Jesus that people picture with their mind’s eye. Some will focus on the wise men and their ability to recognize a sign in the night’s sky that something miraculous was happening. Others focus on Mary and Joseph and their perseverance to find an inn only to stay in a manger with the animals. Yet others focus on the actual birth of Jesus knowing that He was placed there in a virgin’s womb and her husband overcame his feelings and trusted God that he was blessed. But only a few focus on the shepherd’s side of the story.

'When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ' Luke 2:17-18

Why shepherds? Why not men and women of influence? Surely the prominence of the powerful people in the community having access to resources would be the fastest way to spread the good news. It seems illogical to take people who are already cast aside by society and looked down upon to be the heralds of the birth of the Messiah. But God knows something that our worldly minds don’t quite comprehend.

If you read the bible, you will know that it is filled with the most unlikely of characters and circumstances being used to demonstrate the love our Father in heaven has for us. Just like shepherds were used to be the first to share the good news of Christ, it was at a wedding where the very first recorded miracle in the new testament was written. There, during a covenant wedding ceremony, where two people became one flesh, Jesus turned water into wine and launched into His ministry.

Why a wedding ceremony? God’s every move has intention. There are no accidents. A wedding ceremony is a prophetic picture of the relationship Jesus has with the church. Like shepherds, God uses marriages to speak of the everlasting love He has for us. God’s love is enduring and forever. I believe Jesus used His one and only “first public” miracle at a wedding because marriage exemplifies the enduring love He has for us. Marriage speaks of a Covenant that can never be changed. Like the shepherds, married people are also heralds of the love Jesus Christ has for us.

I bet you are thinking, I don’t have the perfect marriage. My current situation is hardly the picture of God’s love for the church. That is why your marriage was chosen to glorify God. You can’t look at your current situation. Do you think that Mary and Joseph thought that giving birth to a baby in a dirty manger would be the everlasting picture of the arrival of the Messiah? Do you think that the poorly dressed, smelly shepherds in the desert hills of Bethlehem thought that they would forever be chosen as the first heralds of the coming of the King? It is completely acceptable for you to look at yourself and your marriage and question how your situation will be used to glorify God. However, truly I can tell you, it will.

'And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” ' - Mark 2:17

What better circumstance than a broken marriage to testify to the enduring, everlasting, never wavering love of God? You have to hold onto who Jesus came for. He came for the brokenhearted. He came to heal the sick. He came to call people out of the darkness. He came for you! It says in His word “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3). What better way to demonstrate to the world the true heart of Jesus than by restoring your marriage and family so that you run like the shepherds to share the good news?

People that have “stuff” in their lives are a privileged group of people. His Word speaks of leaving the ninety-nine to rescue the one. My friend, you are the one! Yes, you. You are the one. Let that sink in. While you think you are alone under that olive tree, Jesus is quite literally with you because He knows your name and He knows the name of your spouse. He is choosing you now for things to come. Maybe your time has not yet come but, trust me it will. And you will shout from the rooftops of the glory of your King as He restores you.

This Christmas, hold your head up high. You are chosen. You are his special treasure. You will be the herald of His goodness and love. You will be like the shepherds who were chosen from all the people of the good news of Christ. He is choosing you to speak of His everlasting love for you and your marriage. Remember that He chose a marriage ceremony to be where His first public miracle was shown and that He’ll do it again for you.

By Pastor Koji Bell

BY: Anonymous

I have often heard that the sin of unforgiveness is the number one roadblock to restoration and healing. (Please read that again!!!)
 
I was too blinded to see and understand the concept of forgiveness in my early days of standing. I was always warfaring and targeting the non-Covenant. I thought that she was my enemy. I would come against her "binding the Jezebel" spirit, casting out witchcraft, and so forth, all in the name of Jesus. I guess I thought by doing this; she would leave my husband. 
 
At family gatherings or birthday parties for our children, she would always take my husband to another room away from wherever I was. I would say "hi" to them but always get a cold response. After all these occasions, I would forgive 70x7 only to find a new bomb drop, and I was back warfaring, not understanding the verse, "Love the sinner but hate the sin." 
 
I wasted many years in this warfare mode. The significant change in my heart came one day with the prayer Jesus taught us; The Our Father." I kept thinking how many times I prayed that prayer growing up but just said it without ever really hearing the words. One day as I said, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." The Lord immediately shot those words through my whole being! I was convicted on the spot. 
 
We often speak of a "rhema" word in Covenant Keepers; well, this experience was indeed a rhema word for me. I also heard the verse, "If you don't forgive others, I am not going to forgive you." (Matthew 6:15) I always looked at the non-Covenant as the enemy and an alien, intentionally hurting my marriage. I didn't see her as a person Christ died for, like me. 
 
The Bible says in Ephesians 6, "We do not fight people made of flesh and blood but principalities, powers, and wickedness in high places." How many times have we heard that our spouses are not our enemies? That goes for the non-Covenant, too! The enemy works to bring division, hatred, and separation in us, too. 
 
I went before the Lord and told Him how I couldn't forgive her, but if He helped me, I would forgive her through Him. I was really willing and able this time, after having that revelation. God allowed me to put the word into practice shortly after when we were at a family gathering, and the non-covenant's mom had just died. I looked over at her, and she looked so lost and sad. The Holy Spirit told me to go to her, but I resisted, at first. He kept pushing me, so I finally got up and walked over to her. She looked so scared and shocked. The words that came out of my mouth were, "I'm so sorry about your mom. I know how much you must be hurting." She was afraid and couldn't look me in the eyes but told me how difficult the journey really was. It was an amazing exchange, and God was at the heart of it, with His love flowing between us. I hugged her. My husband was not in the room, so he did not observe our encounter. The fruit of this forgiveness from Christ in my heart was so real!!! 
 
After this exchange, she now smiles at me and says "hi" at all the family gatherings. The crazy thing is that now, MY HUSBAND smiles at me, too, and goes out of his way to say "goodbye" to me with a smile and a wave. 
 
Since then, my prayers have taken on a whole new meaning. I'm praying for them to be free from the sin of adultery, asking God's kindness to lead them to repentance (Romans 2:4). I also pray for my husband to come back to the Lord and for our one flesh Covenant to be reconciled. I also pray for the other woman to know Christ as I do, to make Him number one in her heart, and for her to come out of the kingdom of darkness into the light of Jesus Christ. 
 
I can now do my "warfare" with a heart of forgiveness. Things are so different for my whole family because I forgave. I hope this will help many of you and save you a few years of doing it the way I did in the beginning. God knows the pain and anger inside of us at being left and having someone take our place. It was so great that He also showed me He was an all-consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29) and that He could burn all this hatred and sludge out of me if I took it to Him with pure honesty from my heart. 
 
The word says, "Our hearts are deceitfully wicked; who can know them." (Jeremiah 17:9) Often, we feel like the victim and that we've done nothing wrong, but the Lord will show us our heart if we ask Him and will free us from the sins that we ALL have. "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) 
 
What freedom there is in the process of sanctification, going "from glory to glory" (2 Corinthians 3:18) and becoming the mature sons and daughters He wants us to be, becoming like Him. Forgiveness does not "unhook" them; it "unhooks" us. We can pray more effectively. God, the Just Judge of heaven and earth (Psalm 89:14), sees our hearts. He will move heaven and earth to save us and those we intercede for as we repent of our sins and turn our lives to Him (Haggai 2:6). What a mighty God we serve!
 
Be blessed, my friends, for, in the Kingdom of Heaven, we can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who strengthens us. (Phillippians 4:13)

BY: Anonymous

To stand firm for your marriage, you will need to know that it is God’s will to restore the marriage.  God is on your side when it comes to the marriage covenant between one man and one woman.   When you read in the book of Genesis, you can see God is the originator of marriage and family.  Adam spoke over the union he had with Eve (Genesis 2:21-24); this gives us the plan of God, and He has not changed his mind.  

Jesus told the disciples to search the scriptures to find God and know His plans, and we are to do the same. When you spend time with the Heavenly Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, you will have all your needs met.  Every question or concern you have about you and your covenant spouse is right in the word of God.  You will have to build your faith and have confidence in God’s word.  It may take some time to learn how to walk by faith and not by sight, be patient with yourself and your spouse, and let the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) manifest in your recreated spirit.  

Listen to faith-filled media about asking God and receiving the answer, about believing in our heart and not doubting (Mark 11:23-24).  I cannot emphasize it enough. Please take time to develop a relationship that will last through eternity.  In John 10, Jesus says, “My sheep know my voice and another they will not follow.”  

Again, Romans 8:14-15, 26-28 tells us that we are to be led by the Holy Spirit, who knows everything and will aid and assist us in praying for our spouses.  You see in Psalm 23 that God has prepared a table (covenant) for us in the presence of our enemies. Still, we are to partake of the meal (which includes wisdom, understanding, finances, healing) that has already been prepared because of the reconciling blood of Jesus. It is up to us to partake of it. The book of Proverbs instructs us on gaining wisdom and understanding of how to do that.

Romans 4 tells us that “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed… He did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” (Romans 4:18, 20-21). This same Abraham shows up in the “Faith Hall of Fame” in Hebrews 11:1-40. Spending time there meditating on the faithfulness of God to His covenant promises will encourage you as your faith grows. We, as “offspring of Abraham,” are children of this same hope.

I suggest that you write the scriptures down that the Holy Spirit gives you and meditate on them, speaking them out.  Talk to the Lord about His word, and He will provide you with more understanding.  Please take the time to spend with the Lord not only for your marriage restoration but to really know Him as Father, Jesus as Lord, and Holy Spirit as the Comforter. You will grow in faith and will be able to assist others with their marriage restoration.
 
God tells us in His word in Romans 1:17, “the just shall live by faith” and that it takes faith to please God. God has put His power in His word; it is the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead.  It is also the same power that raises dead marriages back to life.

Never stop searching Scripture; continue your pursuit of God. I just know you will agree that it will be worth it.

BY: Anonymous

“Open his eyes, Lord, that he may see.”(2 Kings 6:17 NIV) The prophet Elisha prayed those words for his servant as an enemy army surrounded their city. The Lord enabled his servant to see the “hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.” (2 Kings 6:17 NIV) Elisha’s servant was suddenly able to see what Elisha already knew: that God was protecting them and was going to bring victory in a seemingly hopeless situation. Elisha then prayed, “Strike this army with blindness,” and the Lord “struck them with blindness, as Elisha had asked.” (2 Kings 6:18 NIV) 
 
Elisha’s situation would have been easy to look at the enemy army surrounding the city and to desire to run away in fear or try to surrender. What enabled Elisha to stand with such bold faith against such a desperate situation? Elisha’s eyes were not set on what the enemy was doing but on what God was doing. Elisha saw that “those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” (2 Kings 6:16 NIV) His perspective was the key to his faith.
 
Every day, even in the small things, we have the choice to be strengthened in faith by considering the works of the Lord or to surrender to fear because of the enemy we face. 
 
Like some of you, I work multiple jobs in order to support myself and my child in the absence of financial support from my prodigal. I regularly work several weeks in a row before having a day off. If I allow my attention to drift to thoughts like, “I have to work so much,” or, “It wouldn’t be like this if my husband were home,” then I quickly feel overwhelmed and crushed by the weight of the world. 
 
Suppose I choose instead to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV). In that case, my contemplation turns to how the Lord has blessed me with a sound mind, education, employment opportunities, and skills and abilities that I can use to honor Him by serving others while earning an income (Colossians 3:24 NIV). When I shift my focus to what God has done and is doing, my eyes are opened to His mighty power and goodness at work in my life. My perspective is an invitation to faith. 
 
I have found that perspective determines whether my circumstances cause me to feel defeated or victorious, to experience despair or hope. 

I can choose to look at what the enemy puts before me to discourage me. Through the years, I’ve had to face adultery, substance abuse, separation, false starts, divorce, turmoil in my child’s life, and a non-covenant marriage. There have been difficult trials, but through every valley, the Holy Spirit has enabled me to choose to look at what God is doing. He has shown me the mercy to know Him, to receive the call to stand, to be able to join together with Him in extending the love of Christ to a prodigal soul.

I can choose to have a bold faith that the God that sent His angel armies to deliver Elisha is the same God whose angel armies are fighting for my family. It’s a faith that comes from a change in perspective.
 

BY: Judy Pruitt (Stander, Group Leader)

If marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the Church, then how would Jesus walk through a "difficult marriage?"

Ephesians 5:31-32 says, "…and the two will become one flesh, this mystery is great, but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the Church."  

Hopefully, we agree that Jesus' character shows that He would lay his life down for an unfaithful spouse. Therefore a person standing for their marriage to be healed should reflect Jesus' righteousness. As I thought of this scripture, it gave me the idea to make a side-by-side comparison of how God treats us, His Church, and likewise how we should respond and treat our spouses. This comparison is also based on the fact that covenant is a God-made unilateral promise that is not dependent on the other party's actions. God doesn't expect us to do anything He hasn't already modeled to us.

If one walks in this kind of response to a mate who declares a lack of love and commitment to the marriage, then we become a beautiful expression of "Christ and the Church." Several of our past guest conference speakers have declared, "It is no big deal to be faithful to a mate who is faithful to you. Anyone can do that!" But faithfulness amid unfaithfulness is the highest form of modeling Christ and the Church. It is literally laying your life down for your spouse. You are laying at the feet of Jesus your plan, your needs, and your hopes and dreams. They are, in essence, crucified at Jesus's feet, allowing God to resurrect them if He so desires.

Jesus said in Luke 9:23, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." This can only be done by daily fellowshipping with Jesus so that His love, power, and grace can flow through us to our mates, children, and the body of Christ. Thank You, Lord, for not giving up on us so we can see the model for us to not give up on our spouses!

BY: Anonymous (Stander, Leader, Intercessor)

I was so delighted when I heard evangelist Mike Murdock speak a very wise statement.  
 
"A foolish wife speaks to the fool in her husband, and she gets the fool back. But the wise wife speaks to the king in her husband, and she gets the king back."
 
It is easy to see our husbands' faults, and it can become a nasty habit to point them out to him. In Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book Love and Respect, he talks about how important it is for a husband to love his wife and how important it is for the wife to respect her husband. I have seen many marriages healed when the wife took on this challenge to look for the king in her husband and speak it to him.  
 
I didn't realize that one of the curses put on Eve was that "Your desire will be for our husband and he shall rule over you." (Genesis 3:16b). One of the possible definitions of the rare Hebrew word "teshuqah" is "desire to control." When a wife tries to control her husband, it can often lead to strife. In James 3:16 (KJV), it says, "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."  No one needs confusion in their marriage, and indeed we don't want every evil work! Father, help us to see our spouses as You see them and admire and respect them.
 
It has been said that when a man marries his wife, he wants her to stay exactly the way she was when they got married. Often when a wife marries her husband, she sets out to change him for the better. I certainly meant well when I did this, but now I realize that it was a bad mistake.  
 
Titus 2 says, that the older women should teach the younger women how to be a good wife. In this day and time, the older women have not been taught, and through lack of knowledge, our marriages have fallen apart. Thankfully, there is much helpful information on how to have a blessed covenant marriage. One of the sources is the teaching that Covenant Keepers ministry provides. I have learned so much since I have become a Covenant Keeper, and I am devoted to becoming the wife God has called me to be and to teach the younger wives how to make their home a haven for their families.                                               
 
Jeremiah 33:3 says - "Call on Me, and I will tell you great and mighty things - the hidden things that you do not know."  I pray that we will call out to You, God and that You will teach us great and mighty things as to how to have a blessed and happy marriage. Let us make it our mission to share it with others. 
 
 Lord, teach us how to speak to our kings!! 
 
 In Jesus' name. Amen.

BY: Anonymous (a Stander and Group Leader)

My testimony of coming to saving faith began as a child when I became active in my church as an altar boy. However, I didn’t truly open my heart to Christ as my Savior until my adult life after my wife, and I had a family of 6 beautiful children. When our twin daughters were less than a year and a half old, my wife decided that she wanted to separate. It was this situation in my life that caused me to seek God’s promises in His Word. 
 
I began attending a men’s Bible study, and my appreciation for Christ as my Savior became real. I loved the exhortation in Psalm 127,” Unless the Lord build the House, we labor in vain to build it,” So my heart became open to the truth in the Bible. I began to want more of the promises, and I believed that Jesus became sin for me so that I may have His righteousness according to 2 Corinthian 5:21. By His wounds, I became healed as a promise of God in Isaiah 53:3-5.
 
My three baby girls were with me in church one Sunday, and they blessed me as I was beginning to cry about our family going through the harrowing trials of separation. They were so young, but out of the mouths of babes, they said to one another, “I think he is crying because he loves Jesus.” I later attended a retreat and acknowledged Christ as my Lord and Savior in a personal commitment to Him.
 
I loved to sing praise and worship songs and began to grow in the Holy Spirit. I could start to relate to Paul’s wisdom found in Romans 7:24, “O what a wretched man am I, who will save me from the sin that indwells me.” Furthermore, we find in Romans 8:1-2, “There is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has freed you from the law of sin and death.” I came to understand that the covenants of the Old Testament point to the New Covenant in Christ Jesus.
 
I began to study in-depth the “Blood Covenant” and realized that we are children of the promises of God. God’s Word in Jeremiah 31:31-33 says, “But this is the covenant which I will make with the House of Israel says the Lord. I will place my law within them and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Jesus became our Passover Lamb and ransomed us from being slaves to sin and made us His friends in His New Covenant, in His Body and Blood (John 6, John 15:15). 
 
Paul confirms this in 1 Corinthians 15 as we hear the promises of Christ as the First Fruits of the Resurrection, who has destroyed the last enemy, which is death. Christ, the Son, who is subjected to the Father, has done so, so that God may be All in All. 
 
My wife’s and my separation and our subsequent divorce have allowed me to open the door to hope through prayerful choices and healing in my own life. I have learned to respond with reflective prayer instead of simply reacting to my wife and our children over a disagreement.
 
God has gifted me with a heart that desires to help people, care for them, and provide encouragement in their time of need. God, in His Mercy, poured into me an abundance of His grace to overcome my sinful temptations. The gifts that God has used through me include “His Word of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healings, miracles, discerning of spirits, different kinds of tongues, interpretation of tongues.” (1 Cor 12:7-11)
 
I have strived to set my heart on the greater gifts of the Spirit, specifically the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Love. However, I have experienced growth in wisdom and revelation, resulting in a fuller knowledge of Him. 
 
My heart became enlightened to know the hope of His calling to me to first stand for my Covenant relationship with Christ. These gifts of the Spirit to which Paul refers in 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 have manifested in my own spiritual life as I apply God’s graces. Paul elaborates further on these gifts in Colossians 1:9-14. These words of wisdom led to the knowledge of His will through understanding. This knowledge of God and the Spirit grew in my inner self and allowed my spirit to know the love of Christ. It opened my heart to receive the gift of faith and the gift of healings, which led to miracles of healed marriages for others. The more I open up to the Holy Spirit, the more I can discern spirits and pray in my prayer language. Luke 12:11 promises us that we need not be anxious about speaking when we go before trials and tribulations. The Holy Spirit will give us what to say.
 
Divorce is not allowed in God’s Word, “I hate divorce says the Lord!” (Malachi 2:16) Remarriage is a sin of adultery against the sacred Covenant of Marriage! (Matthew 19:6,9) The first wife was made of Adam’s actual flesh and bone; they literally were One-Flesh!
 
Malachi 2:14-16 (Amplified Bible) “Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness to the covenant made at your marriage between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant made by your marriage vows….”
 
Here it is plain that God HATES divorce. It is an abomination to Him. He is definitely on the side of any person wanting to save their marriage.
 
When you have God’s will on a matter and have prayed according to His will, the moment the prayer was out of your mouth, God started the wheels turning to bring your prayer into manifestation. You know God will do what He says He will do, and out of the abundance of the confidence in God that you have in your heart, you will tell anyone who asks, “I believe that God has healed my marriage.”
 
God’s unconditional agape love for us gives us confidence that God is a promise-keeping Father and that perfect love casts out all fear. Faith demands action! If you truly believe your prayer is being manifested, not only will you speak like it, you will ACT like it. God says that “Faith without works, which means actions, is dead.” (James 2:17) Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
 
My focus is not on my circumstances or even on a second or third remarriage for my covenant spouse. “Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy, I came to give you life and to give it abundantly” (John 10:10). I am the Head of my household (Al Ha Bayit, in Hebrew). Hence, I am firm in standing and am blessed to be praying for my wife and children to join me in our eternal salvation. AMEN!

BY: Anonymous

As a young first-time mother, I couldn’t fathom loving a child more and being more fiercely protective of the precious baby God had given me. I was overwhelmed with the wonder of new life and the awe that the Lord had entrusted my husband and me with the task of raising this boy to love and honor Him. In the way only the Lord can, He expanded the love in my heart to love and protect three more children just as passionately and fiercely. That fierceness and passion only intensified when my husband left, as it felt like it was just me covering these children. I could very clearly hear God tell me to “Stand your ground.”
         
My children (three of whom are now adults) will tell you that they are stronger, better people because of the valley of suffering we have walked through. They would say to you that they value what matters, they invest their time in people, and they discern truth from fiction in ways they would never have, had they not walked through such an intense battle. What they would also tell you is that my strength and passion are different because of the suffering. Where I would have sought the covering of my husband before, I surrendered to the Lord to guide and protect us. He is constant, unchanging, and sure; all the things we needed when nothing else seemed consistent, steady, and certain.
         
His leading alone became my compass, and He never steered me in the wrong direction. I tried a few wrong approaches in my strength, but the leading from Him was never wrong. When everything around us seemed chaotic and confusing, He was not. God is not the author of chaos and confusion.

I quickly took up a phrase that I often repeated to my children, “We have a standard against which to measure anything that appears confusing, and that is the Lord and His Word.” To the best of my ability, I sought to make each decision from the standard of God’s Word and His voice. Every time I sincerely sought Him for an answer or direction, He reconfirmed each time that I was hearing Him.
         
Not that any of the years of parenting alone have been easy or without struggle, but I have never been alone during them. His covering and promises for my children have been better than any that man could provide. Praying Scripture over each of my four children became a constant, in addition to the specific prayers I had for their individual needs. One of my favorite Scriptures to pray over my children became Isaiah 54:13. I declared that my children are “disciples, taught by the Lord and obedient to His will, and great is their peace and undisturbed composure.” When everything in the natural was falling apart, I clung tightly to those promises I knew the Lord had given me.

He never fails; His Word is constant and sure, and His purpose for my family is not something I will ever turn away from.
         
Every other ground is shaky and uncertain, but standing on the sure foundation of the Lord will never disappoint and will never confuse. I remember reading about St. Augustine’s words regarding having a praying mother. St. Augustine said, “Give me praying mothers, and I will rescue the world.” He spent years living life according to his fleshly desires, while his mother spent those same years in sincere prayer for him, her consistency and character never changing. When earthly standards seem to change second by second, may we be found standing our ground, solid and sure. Standing on the solid rock of the Lord that never changes.

BY: Anonymous

One warm summer day, I decided to take my pet’s cage outside to clean with the hose in my front yard. Being a petite young woman, it took a lot of effort to get the 6-foot iron cage out the front door and down the steps into the driveway. Once I had it outside, I gathered my supplies and was ready to get to work.

The next thing I remember was waking up under a pile of metal pieces. When I turned around to grab my supplies, the cage somehow fell on me and knocked me to the ground, pinning me under all the pieces. Once I regained consciousness, I climbed out from under the pile and realized the back of my head was cut open, and I had blood running down my leg. I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed the hose and started rinsing myself off. As I was doing this, I heard laughter and realized my neighbors across the street had been sitting on their front porch the entire time. Had they not seen me lying in my yard, trapped under a pile of iron pieces? Or did they see me and CHOOSE to do nothing about it? Nobody had come to check on me.

Even as I was washing blood off myself, nobody even shouted across the way to ask if I was alright. I wondered if I needed stitches, but I was worried that I would not financially afford a trip to the hospital. So I just held a towel to my head, went inside, and sat down to cry...and pray.

I think that was the moment when I realized the gravity of living alone. I cried big tears - not just because I had a physical wound that was hurting, but also because I felt a deep loneliness I never knew existed.

Frankly, we will probably all have these moments during our stand. Yours may not look like mine did, but to some extent, we will all have something happen that makes us feel the heaviness that comes with living without our spouse.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

I tangibly experienced this verse! The following day when I woke up, the back of my head had completely healed. There was not even a scab! The gash was totally GONE! I was amazed, although when I look back, I know that it was the Lord’s way of showing me that I was NOT alone and that he saw every second of what happened. Even though I’ve known my whole life that the Lord is with me, it all became more “real” to me at that moment.  I had tangibly experienced His goodness.

During other times, I’ve had to “strengthen myself in the Lord,” as 1 Samuel 30 tells us that David did. Here are a few ideas to try next time you’re feeling lonely:
 

• Call someone else who might be lonely. I like to make the conversation about that person rather than venting about my feelings or my situation. Take an interest in other people!
• Write (and mail) an encouraging note or letter to someone.
• Volunteer somewhere. I volunteered with the local animal shelter. I fostered mama cats and their newborn kittens! The shelter provided all the supplies, so I didn’t need to spend a single penny. I just needed to offer them a safe, warm place to live until the kittens were weaned and could be adopted out to permanent homes. This brings me to my next point….
• Adopt a pet! I ended up adopting one of my foster babies! He is so snuggly and affectionate and helps me feel less “alone.”
• Do something active - go for a walk, ride a bike, swim, etc.
• Learn something new! (Cooking/trying a new recipe, changing the oil in your car, sewing, etc.) I have always enjoyed sewing, but I have been making many handmade gifts this year, just because I enjoy it! If you aren’t sure how to make or do something, YouTube or Pinterest are great places to start looking for ideas.

 
Let’s pray together.
Father, thank You that You see everything that happens to me. Your eye is on the sparrow, and Your Word tells me that I am FAR more valuable than MANY sparrows (Luke 12:7). You never leave me or forsake me. Although I may feel lonely, I am never alone because You are with and within me. Thank You for Your love and Your peace that passes all understanding. Help me to keep my eyes on You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

BY: Tiffany Bull, Stander, Group Leader

Like a child anticipating a blessing, each year since I started a new life in Christ Jesus, I have asked my Heavenly Father for a birthday gift. His most recent spiritual gift to me has rocked my world. This gift is very special to me and crucial for my stand for my marriage. As it was drawing near my birthday last summer, I sought the Lord's face and asked, "Is there something special YOU want to bless me with this year? And if there is a spiritual gift awaiting me, would you prepare my heart for it?"
 
One night as I slept, I heard the Lord say to me: "You are in the middle of a miracle. I don't want you to get stuck in the middle of the battle. You will not lose momentum in this season."   
The scripture he gave me was Zachariah 4:6, Then he answered and spoke unto me, saying, "This is the word of the Lord unto Zerubbabel, saying, 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' saith the Lord of hosts.
 
I did not understand what it meant at first, but two days later, this unique, spiritual gift was evident. Apostle John Eckhardt sent me an email invitation to attend the "2020 Momentum Fast: Don't Stop In The Middle." My heart leaped with joy because I was sure that this was my birthday gift from my Heavenly Daddy. Oh, the joy I was experiencing! 
 
I signed up for the 15-day journey and sought the Lord for areas of my life that needed momentum. He released an eagerness in my heart to persevere in my stand with vigor and strength. I knew with clarity that the Father was saying to me, "The more you keep moving in this ministry of reconciliation, the more the Spirit of might shall come upon you. Don't stop!"
 
The first boost of supernatural momentum that was bestowed upon me was the reminder that God has ordained me to bring reconciliation to my family. Do not forget; you are being built up during this season of standing. God is growing us and moving us, transforming us. He is moving us into something so much more glorious. Hebrews 10:35 says, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." We have the revelation to stand in the gap for our marriages. 
 
A revelation revealed is what our faith must explore and apprehend. We are not meant to stay at one level during our stand. We are to grow from glory to glory in this season. We are not merely hanging on for life throughout the stand but experiencing God's greatness in the waiting season. 
 
In the beginning, my stand was weak. There was much doubt and fear in my heart. But with persistence, I started to grow deeper in my faith, and my stand started to look more hopeful and less fearful. 
 
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18
 
In the 15 days that I fasted, the Lord tattooed on my heart that it is imperative that I put on Heaven's perspective during my stand. No matter what comes my way, I must focus my attention on the fact that God's plans and promises are alive. He is bringing dead things back to life. God knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). He is working these plans out. 
 
The key aspect to growing a divine perspective is momentum. As I began to build up momentum, my faith, certainty, and belief grew inside me. Nothing could stop me. It was as if the knowledge I had in my mind moved to my heart and was branded there for life. As the momentum built inside my spirit, I started to be thankful even in things I do not have or could not see. The Lord reminded me of all the breakthroughs along the journey. This built my momentum; it got me going, shifting how I saw my situation in my mind. I now was triggered in my heart and saw restoration more tangibly.  
 
As it is written, "I have made you the father of many nations"—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. Romans 4:17
 
Restoration is happening no matter the length of time that has passed. Once my faith was boosted, I started walking more confidently. God was moving! The momentum began to get stronger; a power surge began to build in my heart that increased confidence and success in my stand like never before.
 
The secret to creating momentum is certainty and belief that God is working a good thing out in your life, growing in levels of confidence that God is restoring everything that was lost to the enemy. Momentum is powerful. The amplified motion of momentum resets the mind. Thoughts of restoration start to shift from a level of uncertainty in the stand to standing hopefully and powerfully. If we are to stand firm, we want to stay in this joyous place. Momentum builds when we see results (i.e., a breakthrough of some kind in our spouse or our marriage). 
 
But even when we do not see any results, we need to be mindful to keep our focus on the Lord, believing He is working even when we can not see it. Over time there is less need to depend on seeing results in the natural. The mind begins to be confident of breakthrough based on the promises in God's word. For example, I start envisioning my spouse coming home in my mind. I can see the future of our marriage and family in my mind. The end result is now changed in my mind based on God's promises. 
 
Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
 
The greater the momentum of a thing, the more significant its impact will have once it reaches its destination. One of the keys to building momentum is to allow your victories to thrust you into more substantial momentum. Momentum builds your confidence and increases your strength for the next spiritual battle.  
 
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:18
 
We have the authority that God has placed on each of us to show this world that God is a covenant God who honors and restores marriages through His resurrection power. It is God's heart always to restore. God wants to increase your momentum during your season of standing. The Bible says we are to freely receive and freely give (Matthew 10:8). Just as the Lord blessed me with momentum in the middle of my stand, today, I am passing on this gift to you. No more will you be stuck in the middle of your stand. You are standing powerfully in the divine perspective of God. Come to Him with confidence.  

BY: Anonymous (a stander and group leader)

The night I asked the Lord for a Rhema word to help me stand for marriage restoration, I had no idea what to expect or how the Lord would get that word to me. How would I know it was from God? What would it mean? Was it Biblical?
 
About five months into my stand (alone; hadn't yet heard of Covenant Keepers ministry), a friend told me I should ask God for a Rhema word to help me "know" that standing was God's will for my life. I had delved deep into the Word in the months since my husband had left home, but I was wavering and struggling to keep the faith that restoration would actually happen. I hoped that if I prayed for something so personal, just for me, that God would give it to me. So that very night, after our conversation, I went to bed praying for God to provide me with such a word.
 
The following day, just as I was waking up but not fully awake, I heard these words in my spirit: "Not by might, not by power." I understood that I was hearing Scripture, but wasn't sure where to find it in the Bible. I got my Bible and started to dig. Actually, there were no Bible apps in those days (or Google), so I had to use an old-fashioned and very valued concordance to look up the words spoken to me. I found those words in Zechariah 4:6. "Not by might; not by power; but by My spirit, says the Lord of Hosts." I knew by the Spirit of God that was my Rhema word. But, what did it mean? Let's back up just a bit and find out what Rhema itself means.
 
In the Bible, we find that there are two different Greek words to refer to the word of God. One of these is "logos", and the other is "rhema." Logos refers to the written word. We read the logos and gain knowledge of God and history and all sorts of amazing things. Rhema is different and refers to the intimate speaking of God TO us. It's the truth we need to hear, custom-made just for us! It is God communicating personally to us through the Spirit's voice directly into our hearts. When you get that "rhema" from God, you know in your "knower" that it's from the Lord! It's something quite hard to explain unless you've experienced it before. But, that's what I experienced the morning I woke up to my rhema word in my spirit.
 
"Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word (rhema) that comes from the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4 
 
Now that I had my word, it was time to ask God what it meant. This conversation with God, has taken many life experiences and trials to learn the depth of what this rhema word actually means. 
 
One instance happened just a couple of years ago when the Lord revealed something shocking to me. The Lord revealed to me that what I had thought I had done to bring my husband around to visit me regularly was actually Him. One day when my husband randomly showed up, the Lord asked me, "Did you do that?" To which I replied, "No Lord, you did it." Then, He continued to ask me questions about other things that I had thought I had done, to which I replied, each time, that indeed I hadn't done anything, but He had done it all. All of this questioning just confirmed and solidified my rhema word! To put it simply, His Spirit does it. 
 
Your rhema word will bring you peace. In fact, it brought such peace to me, that it stopped all my striving and wonderings about what I was doing in the natural. So my rhema word has provided EXACTLY what I've needed from the Lord to strengthen, not only my stand, but my Christian walk. And God is faithful to remind me of this often, each time I need it.
 
So you might be asking yourself, "How do you get a rhema word?"
 
The answer is simple. Ask the Father for it. His Word says, "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find, knock, and it will be opened to you." (Luke 11:9) You, too, will receive and have that "A-ha! Now I get it" moment, if only you ask.
 
Then you must wait. He'll speak when it's the right time, but He will speak to you. God longs to show you who He is and what He has done personally for you to help you stand. He has a rhema word meant just for you and only you. When you receive it, you will know that no devil in hell and no man on earth can take that word from you. It will carry you forward and strengthen you as you pray for marriage restoration. 
 
Next, when you receive it, care for it, treasure it and apply it to your life circumstances. You must make it a part of your thinking, and let God reveal more of Himself to you through it. 
 
LET'S PRAY:
Dear Father, my struggle has not been easy, but I praise You for who you are…Abba, The Counselor, My Provider, and my Only Hope. I come to you humbly, and ask You for a Rhema word for my marriage. I understand that You, and You alone, are the Perfector of my Faith, and the One who has ordered the Universe. I, alone, can do nothing, apart from You. I lay down my wants and desires, to please You, Father. I align my heart with Your Word. I will Praise You during the sunny days and on the darkest nights. You, Lord, are the One I seek first each day and seek to please above all else. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen. 
 

BY: Anonymous

"Blessing the Non-Covenant Child in the Womb; Later Being Blessed by This Child"

"What? You're having a baby with the other woman?"
"Oh, my goodness!"

But then again, I wasn't completely surprised because my husband had been living with the other woman for some time now.

This was the 70's and this kind of behavior was completely unacceptable from a married man living with a young woman more than 15 years his junior.

A few years before this, my husband had sent our two children and me away from our home in Puerto Rico back to the states to live with my parents, who agreed they would take care of us until we could make it on our own.

The reason? This other, younger woman.

What started out as a genuine concern for an unsaved soul, quickly turned into the devil's playground. My husband and I were a Christian, God-fearing couple concerned about this young woman who did not know the Lord. We were inviting her to our church youth group, to which she declined. But she DID, however, accept an invitation to go along with me to the Christian Women's Club a couple of times and heard the gospel preached there. Satan apparently had already moved quickly into my husband's heart and mind to form an inappropriate relationship with her.

"For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander." Matthew 15:19

A few years later, still married, although separated at this point, my husband dropped the bombshell while we were in another state for his business meeting and because he wanted to see our young daughter. There he told me his non-covenant partner was pregnant!

"What?!" I cried out, "Jesus help us; we need help."

I said to him, "Let's get down on our knees and pray. We need to pray for you, for her, for the baby, for me, and for our two children." He looked humiliated and embarrassed and said, "I can't pray. you pray."

So, I got on my knees, holding his hand, and cried from the depths of my heart for help and mercy for us. And to please bless that precious little one in the womb.

I knew I had to walk in love. Indeed, their baby girl made it to full term, safe, and healthy.
During her pregnancy, the Lord showed me to prepare for Mother's Day by going to the Hallmark card store and buying a card for the non-covenant woman carrying my husband's baby.

I was shocked and said, "But, but I cannot congratulate a woman pregnant by my husband. All right, if you insist, I will look for a generic card with which I can be comfortable." I did find a simple acknowledgment of her pregnancy but not saying the word congratulations to this mother-to-be. As I signed my name to it, I remember being prompted by the Holy Spirit again as He asked me to include this statement...

"I pray that your baby will bless you as much as our two children have blessed me."

Later I received a sincere thank-you for the card through my husband.

Another thing that The Holy Spirit prompted me to do while the other woman was pregnant was to dedicate this unborn child to the Lord. My husband and I had dedicated our first baby together in our church. With our second baby, he refused to go to the church with me to dedicate her because he was already in adultery. At our little girl's dedication, my pastor broke down and cried in front of the congregation as he said we need to start out by praying for this little girl's daddy. Then he spoke the words of dedicating her to the Lord and praying for us as parents.

So now the Lord is asking me to dedicate this unborn child to the Lord!! I was shocked again and did not understand why I would do this, not being the parent. But the Lord assured me He knows what He's doing, and I should do it. It seems the Lord often speaks to me with a direction but never answers my "why" questions. He remains silent after giving this direction.

So, I sat myself down and asked the Lord to help me to dedicate this precious child in the womb to Him and His destiny for her. I did as the Lord asked, without further question.

When this little one was three and a half years old, she blessed me out of my socks!

While my husband and I were still separated, and still married, my husband and the other woman decided to fly to my area of the country to visit our children and my husband's relatives. The only problem was, that they needed a car. They could not rent a car, so my husband requested using my car for five days. I was aghast, thinking he has nerve. I could not see this being God's will, so I said, "No, I need my car." However, the Lord worked on my heart to call him back and say, "Yes, you may have my car. I do not need it that week after Christmas because my relatives are going to be visiting, and they have a car."

When they got to my house, I realized the non-covenant woman did not have a winter coat because of coming from a warmer climate. So, I went to my coat closet and gave her one to use. I remembered what Jesus said, "If your enemy needs a coat, give him one." My visiting relative was very shocked and asked me why I lent her one of my coats. I was surprised myself. But God gave me grace.

During one of those days of coming and going from my house picking up our children and dropping them off, my husband asked their little three-and-a-half-year-old non-covenant child to go and stand by my chair and tell me the Bible verses that she was learning in a Christian preschool. She learned a scripture verse for every letter of the alphabet. She stood there and, in her sweet little child voice, quoted the Bible by memory. I don't remember what the letter A stood for, but I remember B was for "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved and your household. Acts 16:32." The letter C was for "Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Ephesians 6:1." D was for "Depart from evil and do good. Psalm 34:14." With a quick glance at my husband, I saw his eyes looking down at the floor. When she got to the letter I, the Lord prompted me in my heart to listen carefully because, he said, "this is for you." She said, "If you ask anything in my name, I will do it. John 14:14."

My heart was so full, and my eyes were filling up with tears as I thanked her. I felt so blessed!

One more time, a few months later, I got to hear her verses again when they returned to my area for a funeral. I got permission to take her along in my car with my children to visit a local site. I asked her to sit next to me and tell me the Bible verses again. Once again, I was overwhelmed and said to God, "You are truly amazing, blessing me through this sweet child, dedicated to You!!"

Scriptures to ponder:
In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you. Matt. 7:12 NAS
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matt.5:44 NAS
Jesus commanded we should forgive seventy times seven. Matt.19:21-22 NAS
No weapon that is formed against you will prosper. Isa. 54:17 NAS

BY: "Evangeline," a Stander and Group Leader 

When my husband made the announcement, "We are getting a divorce," I behaved as a four-year-old, crying, begging, then actually hating him. He told me he was going to be with someone else, someone only a few years younger, since he wouldn't "rob the cradle." He told me to get a lawyer right away because the other woman had already hired one, and so had he. He told me she was also getting a divorce from her husband. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around what was happening here.
 
"What did you say?"
"You are both getting divorced from your spouses so that you can be together?"
"You DO realize that you are building a new life on the foundation of deception, don't you?"
 
This information was incomprehensible to me, but it was precisely what was going on before my eyes. This is something that seems to have been planned in advance by the two of them; that made no sense to me but perfect sense to them. My husband tried to make the plan perfectly clear to me. In the end, they did exactly what they said they were going to do.  
 
Meanwhile, in my state of bewilderment, upheaval, and disbelief, I went to Jesus. There I said everything I was thinking, everything I was feeling. I asked Him to forgive us (my husband and I) for breaking our promise to Him; to forgive me for not seeing this awful thing coming. I thanked Him for the Holy Spirit, who was interceding for me through my groans and inability to know any more words in English to say. He did forgive me.

He even allowed me to deal with my hate for the two of them for a while. He let me hurl objects at a wall as I mentally dismembered each of them from head to toe while yelling obscenities loud enough for me to get a sore throat. He let me see and feel how ugly and painful my anger was. He showed me how steadfast, loving, and direct His conviction is. He used my awful but honest behavior to show me what His true forgiveness really looks like.
 
I realized that even after that display of hatred, He loved me, and all I needed to do was run into His arms and ask to be forgiven. And before I could even utter the words, I was already forgiven. There was nothing I could do to change His mind.
 
Visually, I could see Jesus on the cross suffering; grossly abused, skin falling off, muscle exposed. I heard the crowds jeering and mocking as He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." I heard Him say, "Father, forgive Evangeline. She doesn't know what she is doing."
 
That's when I surrendered and became born again. From then on my life, my days, my thoughts were no longer mine. I gave it all to Him and I have never been the same. Let the praise go to Yahweh for sending Jesus the Messiah to Earth. Let the praise go to Jesus the Messiah for His Sacrifice, His Resurrection, and Ascension, for sending the Holy Spirit to keep us with Him all the time.
 
How do I feel about the woman who is with my husband now, you might ask? How else can I feel? I feel sorry for her. She is living in a web of lies, bound by the enemy. She is counting on my husband, not Jesus, to be her security. She doesn't understand that he can never be that for her. His life is not secure either. My husband is walking on a wide road that leads to death and hell, and she is right behind him. She is driving herself crazy, trying to keep that life of deception intact. What kind of life is this?
 
"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5 (ESV)
 
I am sad that this other woman hasn't seen Jesus in His mutilated body forgiving her. She hasn't known His loving conviction yet. I was there. I have known the human results of devastation; anger, hostility, confusion, hatred. But through that devastation, I came to know true security, true joy, the true life that is eternal. 
 
I have one sober question.
 
Is this woman's life less valuable than mine? 
 
I think the word of God answers that question...
 
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."  John 3:16 (KJV)
 
Whosoever. (pronoun) - formal, ANY PERSON WHO.... (dictionary.com)
 
ANY PERSON. EVEN HER. EVEN THE OTHER WOMAN.
 
PRAYER:
Today, Lord, we pray for the prodigals and the others deceived with them. Our hearts break, knowing that they are separated from You. Although we would not have chosen to go on this journey without our spouses, we are thankful that we have gotten to know You more intimately through it. We pray the same for the prodigals. Lord, bring them back to You, first. Then, as the anointing of the Word of Your covenant descends upon them, bring them back where they belong; to the wives (and husbands) of their youth. To the covenant to which You bore witness and will hold us accountable until death. Amen.

FOR STANDERS, BY A STANDER (ANONYMOUS)

It was the morning after the first night of last year’s Covenant Keepers Virtual Conference. Sitting with the Lord that morning, I was pondering on the “restoration” of marriages. How we often ask, “When will my marriage be restored?” Or when we hear in a testimony, “On such and such a date, my marriage was restored.” I was asking the Lord about this when He said,
 
“Restoration can start now. Restoration starts with you!”
 
“Restoration can start even before any communication with your spouse, before your spouse returns, before any movement between you. It starts with you.”
 
Accompanying those words was a picture of a bridge being built (as is happening even now outside my window), but one that was incomplete and useless if the access roads and ramps were not in place. This idea was totally outside my concept of restoration. The Lord’s words reverberated in my mind, “It starts with you!”
 
As I looked out my bedroom window, the Lord began to speak to me through the development taking place in the valley below. It is a significant project that will take two years (or so they said). From my window, I can only see a section of the development site. Driving or walking around the area, other parts of the site look to be making more progress. You can see it taking shape.

The site in front of me has been cleared after months of removing trees, shrubs, rocks, and mounds. They have excavated tons of soil, digging down to level out. However, over several weeks, it seemed to me like one mound of earth was simply being shifted to another spot, just moved around back and forth. I could not understand what was happening. They would dig deep down, and then within a week or so, it was filled in again! I would often think to myself, “Surely they know what they are doing!” 
 
On one occasion, I watched as the digger hit some hard rock. This ground things to a dead stop for a week until they brought in the big guns, a heavy-duty digger with a special attachment to chisel away and break up the rock. Boy, did it pound that rock! You could hear it! Watching on it was hard work and took time. Progress was much slower than excavating the earth. But they needed to carve into this hard layer to clear the way for the new road. This road is an essential component, linking the bridge to the ground. It forms the access ramp and is crucial for the bridge to function. Otherwise, it’s incomplete.
 
To my eyes, it all looked like a mess, even chaos. I would look on and think, “What are they doing?” I could see absolutely nothing that even resembled a road or bridge. There was not even a hint of anything like it. And it was taking ages, months, nearly a year!!! I had seen the virtual plans, and they looked amazing. Despite my pessimism and critical eye, grumbling about the inconvenience and disruption, I concluded, “They must know what they are doing!”
 
Can you see the parallels here for us?
 
God can be working in us now, in the interim, to remove those things in our life that need to go, to change us. To “fix” us -- our attitudes, expectations, habits, mindsets, insecurities, old wounds… a hard heart! Like the trees and boulders that needed to be removed from the site, so God wants to remove those things from our hearts and lives that could be a stumbling block to restoration, as well as to becoming the person He sees us to be.
 
Perhaps, we seem to be doing fine for a while. Even though there are challenges, things are shifting easily; God is working. But then suddenly “Bam!” We hit this hard spot like a solid rock face. Maybe we didn’t even know it was there, and God has to chisel hard away at that. But if we want wholeness and healing, we have to allow Him to do that. We partner with Him in this process by positioning ourselves.
 
Like a back seat driver, we may question what God is doing as we look on and see the mess before us, unable to see His blueprint, His vision of ourselves, our spouse, and the marriage He desires to build. At times it may be hard and painful to let God work in us, but we CAN trust Him. He’s not lost sight of what He’s doing, and He knows the outcome. He’s the architect and engineer, the builder and the constructor.

Let’s get our side ready and not wait for our spouse. Then we will be prepared to receive them. If we wait for our spouse to change or make a move home to start this restoration process, it may take longer or even create a stumbling block. Start the process now! That bridge will not only be a new highway for you and your spouse, but also for those affected and impacted by the brokenness of your relationship; those who will hear and see what God has done for and in you, as well as others that need God to work in their own life, marriage and family.
 
There’s a phrase “A bridge to nowhere” -- a bridge where one or both ends are broken or incomplete and does not lead anywhere. Interestingly these do exist. Bridges were planned and started, but for whatever reason, development stopped somewhere along the line, and now they are obsolete!

Let us not just pray for the bridge of reconciliation in our marriage; let us allow God to make us the highway leading and connecting to that bridge.

Restoration can start now. It starts with you!
 
Scriptures:
Isaiah 40:3-5
Isaiah 57:14
Isaiah 61:3-4
Isaiah 62:10
 
“Yahweh says, ‘Let the people return to me. Build! Build up the road, clear the way, and get it ready! Remove every obstacle from their path.’” - Isaiah 57:14 (TPT)
 
“Go through, go through the gates! Prepare the way for the people. Cast up, cast up the highway! Gather out the stones. Lift up a standard or ensign over and for the peoples.” - Isaiah 62:10 (AMP)
 

BY: Nancy Cook, Stander, Group Leader

My children were young when I began standing for my marriage. My younger son was six, my daughter was ten, and my older son was twelve. I brought them to the Covenant Keepers conferences, which had an active ministry for the youth at the time. So my children grew up understanding the concept of covenant and the importance of family. I didn’t realize how much of the teachings they were absorbing, but being around Covenant Keepers had a significant impact on their life view.
 
I found out as they were growing up how significant an impact my stand had on them. My younger son kept writing me little cards telling me that God said his daddy was coming home because I was praying for him. At one point, the pastor of the small church I attended had all the children from the youth group go up on stage and talk about how their family’s faith affected them. My son Daniel, who was around thirteen at that point, proceeded to tell the church about my stand for his father and our marriage and how it affected him that I had not given up on his father. The pastor was speechless at hearing this point of view from such a young man. All he could say was, “Wow!” It brought tears to my eyes as I did not know that he felt this way. This pastor was the one who had pointed me in the direction of Covenant Keepers, so I’m sure it meant a lot to him to find out how it affected even the children.
 
As they grew older, my children fell away a little bit and didn’t always believe that the marriage would be restored. They questioned my stand and encouraged me not to be alone all my life, but deep down, they did retain the values I had taught them. Ultimately, it impacted their life choices. My older son and the woman he married both suffered from drug and alcohol addiction, but God helped them overcome these addictions. They now attend a Baptist church where they got married in December of 2020 and are both sober. My new daughter-in-law calls me Mom (she lost her mother when she was young), and she often says how much she appreciates the stand I am taking for my marriage and believes it strengthens her marriage to my son.

My daughter got married in 2016, but unfortunately, she is now having marriage problems. She is currently separated from her husband. While she is a little double-minded about the issue, she desires marriage restoration and is contemplating joining a CK group. I believe that God will lead her to the right decision about this. She currently lives with me, so she sees me living out the covenant values that I have taught her.

My younger son is not married but has two little girls with his long-time girlfriend. They have broken up several times but always come back together. I believe that this is because they have watched me over the years and see the value of commitment. I believe that God will lead them to honor Him with their relationship and that they will eventually get married.
 
Why do people stand? I think that there are many reasons that people start their stand and, even more importantly, why they continue.

1) Initially, most people begin their stands primarily for their comfort; they want to get back to some semblance of the life they had, and they don’t want to be lonely anymore. They start to gain the perspective that God has for the covenant marriage relationship. “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth...” Malachi 2:14.
 
2) Eventually, the stander’s worldview changes somewhat, and they can begin to see the bigger picture of what God wants to do in their family’s lives by doing a complete restoration of their family - reconciling parents to their children as well as to each other.  “...he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”  Malachi 4:6
 
3) At some point, the stand becomes more about salvation for the prodigal and children than about the actual restoration.  “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”  1 Corinthians 7:14.
 
4) The worldview becomes even more extensive as people realize that marriage is meant to be a picture of how the Lord loves and protects His church, so standing for an individual marriage is seen in a larger worldview and demonstrates to the world how much the Lord values and protects (and even stands) for us.  “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” Ephesians 5:25.
 
5) People begin to realize how their actions affect their children and even their grandchildren, leaving a legacy even after being gone from this world.  “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6.
 
Once people have reached the level of standing these points represent, we could say that their stand has real substance. It is less about the personal aspects of standing (reasons 1 and 2) and more about aligning one’s worldview with the Lord’s and demonstrating the Lord’s standard for our lives, and passing that legacy to our children. Standing is no longer difficult because it is seen in the larger context and is more of a ministry and calling than a personal decision.
 
PRAYER:
Lord, I ask you to comfort me now. To give me the peace that passes all understanding. No matter what stage of the process I am in, I desire to honor you first, Lord. I want to honor you by honoring my covenant with spouse. I desire to break the generational curse of divorce and separation over my family. I come to You, Lord, and I ask you to give me a Stand of Substance. I ask You to align my desires with Your desires. Lord, align my heart with Yours. Only then, can I truly understand the foundation of covenant. In Your Name I pray. Amen. 

BY: Deana Bell, Restored Marriage

THIS IS THE LAST OF THE BLOGS IN THE THREE-PART SERIES THAT I DUG UP FROM MY JOURNALS FROM WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I WERE FIRST SEPARATED IN 2012-2013. I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME TO GO THROUGH WHAT YOU MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH NOW, AND HOW THE LORD WAS WITH ME THROUGH IT ALL.
 
"So we've told the children, told my parents, and my husband is spending a week in a hotel room. NOTHING, I mean, NOTHING, seems right about this. Part of me wants to run to him and be held in his arms, and part of me wants to let my heart harden. Neither of those seems appropriate. For days I had no idea what to do with myself. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't clean or do chores. I barely took a shower, threw my hair up in a bun, and plopped myself back on the couch. On one of those first days, my husband decided to take the kids sledding. Watching the three of them walk out the door without me was my first shock at realizing that I would be spending some time alone, and I better get used to it. Again, nothing seemed right about it. I should be going with them. I should be laughing and sledding and having fun. BUT my mighty Lord had other plans for me...
 
Within a week, I got the news that my husband had found a permanent place to live. A year-long lease. Yes. A. YEAR. LONG. LEASE. I was crushed beyond belief. A large part of me genuinely hoped that I would wake up, which would all be some terrible dream. No dream, Deana. No dream.
 
On February 4, 2012, my husband showed up at our front door, rang the doorbell, and prepared to move his things out. But IN MOVES GOD!!! As he took each box out of the house, each piece of furniture, each sweatshirt, each toothbrush, my heart broke a little more with each piece. I panicked for a second, ran up to the closet, and grabbed the last thing he had worn. A dress shirt from the week before that he had worn at work. It smelled just like him. And because I wasn't ready to give up my fight, I sealed it in a Ziploc bag and hid it in one of my drawers. At that moment, the prospect of never smelling his skin again or lying next to him in bed was too overwhelming for me.
 
I can't remember exactly how it happened, but I was on the phone with my best friend, who currently lives in New York in a God-planned moment. For me, this friend had been there four years previously when I had FIRST gotten the news that my marriage was breaking down. Back then, she lived right around the corner, and I spent many moments in her kitchen, crying as she hugged me, listened to me, and prayed for my husband and me. Now she was many miles away, but as we were on the phone this day - the move-out day - God was calling the shots.
 
She began to pray for me as I sat defiantly on the one piece of furniture my husband hadn't taken out of the basement. As I sobbed into the phone in a way I never have, she and I took turns reading from the Bible. First, it was Psalms 131-150, and then it was the book of James.
 
Psalm 132:11-12 reads..."The Lord swore an oath to David with a promise he will never take back: I will place one of your descendants on your throne. If your descendants obey the terms of my covenant and the laws I teach them, then your royal line will continue forever and ever."
 
Remember that word "covenant." This great word comes strongly into my story later on.
 
Psalm 136 repeats over and over..."His faithful love endures forever."
 
It was all starting to sink in as we took turns reading. I am reasonably sure that my neighbor, who was helping my husband move out, thought I was utterly insane. At first, I read quietly with my head down, tears rolling down my cheeks. And then, with each word - "promise"..."covenant"..."faithful"..."forever" - I gained strength, and with it, loudness, confidence, and hope.
 
In the book of James, we read in Chapter 1:12, "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
 
Verses 19-21 say, "you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls."
 
Even though God's words have such power, it wasn't in His plan to have my husband hear those Scriptures, stop what he was doing and repent. That was MY plan.
 
As he drove away, my friend, still on the phone, said, "Deana, God is giving me some words for you. I think you need to write them down and proclaim them in each room of your house."
 
READY FOR THIS?
 
As she told me what to write down, I digested the words and obeyed them. In each of my rooms, I read the following:
 
"Satan, I rebuke you for attempting to destroy my marriage. I rebuke all of your evil ways. This battle has already been won and fought by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This victory is MINE, not yours."
 
Pretty intense, huh, for someone whose former churches never spoke about the Devil?
 
BUT it didn't make me uncomfortable. I knew I was doing the right thing. Following the above verses from James, I decided to take some of it LITERALLY, especially the part about "getting rid of all of the filth and evil in your lives." I'm not incredibly proud of what I did next, but it felt like the right thing at the time if I'm truthful.
 
Let me preface this by saying that I DO NOT believe that my husband is evil. I DO think that he had been under the false truth that Satan had so readily provided him.

So, I started in the upstairs and got every piece of everything that my husband left behind. Mugs, pictures, a razor, dirty laundry, hair gel - all nicely placed out on the lawn for him to pick up upon his return. For those who would like to believe otherwise, this was NOT an angry rant made to make my husband look foolish. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Rid my home of anything that might still be in Satan's grip."

"This, however, was me playing dirty. Disobeying the rules. NOT listening to God's word about forgiveness or love, or faith. It was me, being human, leaving a Bible, and my dress from our vow renewal on the front lawn. I am not perfect."

"In my journal, on this day, I wrote 'The #2 Worst/Best Day of my Life.'
 
#2 because "D-day" (Separation Day) was the worst day.
 
Worst because I can't imagine many things more gut-wrenching than watching your husband physically leave your relationship.
 
And Best because...

1. God thought enough of me to appear on this day and guide me through it, with the help of a loving friend.
2.  God had given me words to stand on: promise...covenant...faithful...forever.
3.  God allowed me to be angry, within reason, and to be totally human.
4.  God put His mark on my life and my marriage.
5.  I started a fantastic journey...one which will have a happy ending."

DEANA BELL:
Deana was previously one of the Directors of Covenant Keepers, International. She graduated from the Dove School of Leadership through Chesapeake Bible College and received her Pastor's license in 2019. Previously she and her husband, Koji, served as the Mid-West Regional Directors of Covenant Keepers and as small group leaders in that area. She has a degree in Secondary Education as well as experience in counseling from a biblical standpoint. For the last 20 years, she has also served her family as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher. Deana's marriage has been restored since 2013.
 
She is passionate about having a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She has seen many miracles in her life as well as in the lives of the people around her. At her core, she is an encourager and disciple of Christ, spending most of her days ministering to people and digging into the Word. She also speaks at conferences, loves to write, and teach the Word of God. She and her family currently live and attend church in the Charlotte, NC area.

BY: Deana Bell, Director, Restored Marriage

THIS JOURNAL CONTINUES THE THREE-PART SERIES OF JOURNAL WRITINGS THAT I DUG UP FROM 2012-2013…
 
Dear God,
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, oh Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer. (Psalms 19:14)
 
Ten months ago, three days before my 40th birthday, my husband of 15 years and partner for over 20 years left our marriage. The days leading up to this were some of the worst in my life. My husband has traveled for work since before we got married, and on this particular week, he happened to be in Herndon, VA, where the headquarters for his work is. The week started with fighting over the phone, tears, angry hang-ups, and, ultimately, a phone call to a lawyer.
 
When he returned on Friday night, there were no kisses, no hugs, and barely even a hello. As I fought back the tears of hurt and anger, my six-year-old daughter caught a glimpse of my glassy eyes. "What's wrong, Mommy?" she asked. My response was, "Honey, I just want Daddy to hug me, too." WRONG. THING. TO. SAY.
 
Immediately she came to my protection and confronted her Dad. "Why won't you hug Mommy, Daddy?" (No answer) "Daddy, Mommy, wants a hug, will you please hug her?" The response she got went something like this..." I can't right now, Sweetie."
 
The rest is a whirlwind. The next thing I knew, I was calling my parents to get the kids so that my husband and I could talk.
 
They arrived, took the kids, and left my husband and me alone at our house. I don't think my heart has ever beat faster, louder, or more defiantly in my life. As we sat across the room from each other, I asked the question no one wants to hear the answer to: "Do you still want to be married to me?" (No response) Let me rephrase that. "Do you want a d---orce?" (Still no answer) Knowing that one of us had sought the counsel of an attorney in the days before, I knew I had to get the answer to my question.
 
AND BOY DID I GET IT! Five times I got the answer NO ONE wants to hear. Five times it took to settle in my heart that I had just lost the only man I have ever loved. Five times it took for me to wrap my arms around the idea of being single again for the first time in 20 years. Five times it took for me to swallow the lump in my throat and ask the question again. Five times I got the same answer.
 
ONE TIME, God gave me HIS answer...
 
"Deana, this isn't the end. Just pray and be still. Be still and know that I am with you."
 
So I was still AND calm AND, amazingly, I felt safe. Safer than I have EVER felt in my life.
 
As we gave the news to the kids, my complete horror returned for just a moment. They screamed in disbelief and begged us to say it wasn't true. I held them both on my lap and let my husband talk. I held them tighter and closer than I have ever held them in my life. I held on to them with the arms of God, strengthening and calming them, knowing that although this would be hard, it would not be the end. I prayed for the peace that passes all understanding to envelop them and give them hope. I prayed that this news wouldn't crush them beyond repair. I prayed that God had them in His hands, although I was confident that He did.
 
I have to stop my story now. I thought I could write in a few paragraphs; I now realize it needs more time, words, and more detail. This is me. Raw. Vulnerable. Sad, but with a HOPE and knowledge that I pray will touch many, many lives.
 
THIS IS A STORY OF RECONCILIATION AND HOPE. Make no bones about it. God is in control here. Not me, not my husband. Not our friends, not our families. JUST GOD.
 
And for now, I leave you with...
 
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
 
Thank you, my friends, for letting me share my story.
 
To be continued...

BY: Deana Bell, Restored Marriage

THIS BLOG IS THE FIRST IN A THREE PART SERIES THAT I DUG UP FROM MY JOURNALS/BLOGS FROM 2012-2013, WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I WERE SEPARATED. 
 
This blog was written six months after my husband, and I separated in 2012. It describes what some of you may have already heard me talk about: God was working on our restoration even before our separation occurred. Pay special attention to how the Lord spoke to me; how He encouraged me; how He was preparing me for what was about to happen. He knew all of it, all along. Remember that at the six-month mark, my husband and I still lived apart at the time of writing this. I didn't know what the end to my story would be, and neither did my husband. I had to make a choice - believe in what the Lord was saying to me or believe what the world was saying about my marriage. The world said, "It's over." The Lord said, "It's only just begun."
 
As you read, remember back to the week before your separation day. I bet the Lord was speaking to you, too. I bet that the Lord was preparing you, even though you might not have realized it at the time. Look for what He DID DO in advance. I'm not unique or special. What God did for me, even though I had no clue what was about to happen, He probably did for you as well.
 
Here's what I wrote: 
"Koji was away the week of January 16th, 2012, the week before our birthdays. During that week, we fought several times on the phone. I wanted to plan for our birthdays, and he resisted all attempts to plan anything. He said at one point during the week that he was "waiting for a sign" for what he should do about us. He further explained that all of the "signs" he had been getting were NOT in our/my favor. In the days before he was expected home, I prayed that he would get that "sign" from GOD and that it WOULD be in our favor.
 
On Sunday, God provided me with a list of people I needed to forgive. My birth mother, Karen, was at the top. The list ended with me needing to forgive myself. God explained that by not forgiving myself, I was holding back all of my potential. My response? "Dear Heavenly Father, I want to forgive and be free."
 
On Monday, God confirmed that He had given Koji "the sign." To this day, I do not know what that sign was. I do believe, however, that God gave it to him. What Koji did with that, I may never know. Maybe God's confirmation to stay married scared him, and he rebelled. Maybe God's sign was that he SHOULD leave so that He could work on each of us separately. I don't believe that God would ever tell Koji to leave the marriage or not keep his covenant with me, but many times during the Old Testament, God DOES ask His followers to leave their families for reasons they do not understand at the time. (ex: Abraham, Moses)
 
On Thursday, January 19th, the day before Koji arrived home, God spoke to me. He told me that when I felt weary and rejected, I should read the words He had given me in my journal writings. He said, "Believe them. Repeat them." He said that those same words would help me feel strong and not weak. I asked God for a miracle, and the answer that He gave me was, "You are free now."
 
Not quite the response that I was expecting. But as we all know, God works in His ways, not ours."
 
So I looked back at the words God had given me. Here are some of the things:

• Stop being a victim. You are not defined by what has happened in your past; you are instead defined by God's love and guiding Light.
•  Relax.
•  You do not need to please any earthly being. God is already pleased with you.
•  You are confident.
•  Your husband is His son, and he has strayed, but his heart loves God and knows what is right.
•  You don't have to deal with your husband, God will.
•  God is not angry with your husband; He wants him back.
•  Your husband is fighting powerful forces.
•  You should just love your husband, excuse it all, let it go...and JUST LOVE HIM at this time.
•  POUR OUT THE LOVE on your husband. (This was repeated over and over in my head many times in the future. I even asked God to show me what he meant by that. More on that     later...)
•  Your husband doesn't feel like anyone loves him. He's given up on his parents loving him the way he     needs to be loved, and you were the first one to show him what     unconditional love was. This is why he ultimately can't leave you.
•  Your husband feels let down. He misses what you used to do for him.
•  Your husband doesn't love anyone else. He has shut himself off from the world. He feels desperate.
•  Your husband knows that he is supposed to be the Spiritual Leader of the family, and he feels strange letting you lead the way because he knows he is supposed to. God said,     "Teach him how to lead, then let him lead." You are leading now because you are the only one who can.
•  Your husband is sad. He wants to cry. He doesn't want to lose you, but he's afraid he already has.
•  Your husband doesn't believe that God will forgive him. Instead, he believes that God wants to punish him, but he couldn't be more wrong. Jesus died for his sins, every last one. Your husband has already been forgiven.

FROM THE ARCHIVES:

There is no denying that adultery brings an incredible amount of pain and hurt when it enters a marriage. This pain may manifest in many ways; rejection, anger, feelings of failure and worthlessness, frustration, helplessness, confusion, depression, suicidal thoughts, vengeful attitudes, shame, neediness, dependencies, and the list goes on. As humans who have been created to feel and express emotions, we can't deny or ignore their reality. At the same time, we cannot let them control us, for many of them are destructive if left unchecked. We must learn to deal honestly with our emotions.
 
STEP 1: OPENLY EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS TO THE LORD
 
In the Psalms, David openly and often expressed to God his feelings of hurt, betrayal, rejection, anger, and confusion. We, too, must deal honestly with our emotions. We need to follow this model and confess our feelings to God. The important thing is not to stop when we have voiced our complaints, but rather take positive steps to cast our cares on the Lord, trust in Him and allow Him to heal our wounds.
 
The way to do this is to give our burden to Jesus and then lean on Him. We serve a God who watches over us, cares about every detail of our lives, and delivers us out of ALL our troubles!
 
STEP 2: AVOID SATAN'S TRAP OF JUDGEMENT
 
If Satan is unable to get someone to sin, he will attempt to have them judge that same sin in another person. Judgment and unforgiveness block healing and affect both you and your spouse. In Genesis 18:25 and Hebrews 12:23, God is referred to as THE JUDGE of the earth and people. Judging is passing sentence on the actions of another. Throughout scripture, God reserves this right for Himself. Only God has the right to judge others.
 
YOUR SPOUSE: Do not criticize what your spouse is doing, but instead, move
immediately into forgiveness. I know you must be saying, "How in the world can I do that?" Whenever you find that your mind (or flesh) is seeking to compare, criticize, gossip, judge, or wallow in self-pity, you need to STOP yourself immediately. If you let it go on for even just a moment, it will eventually bring you to a place of despair instead of strength. Tell your thoughts to obey the mind of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Then go back to what the Lord HAS given you. Has He given you good health? A secure job? Kids, that love the Lord? A family that supports you? A church that loves you and comes alongside you? A CK group that prays for you? Praise Him for what He HAS done!!! Forget what your spouse is doing. Forget what the other person is doing. Concentrate on YOU and THE LORD.
 
YOURSELF: Allow the Holy Spirit to be your judge. Often we are tempted to judge and condemn ourselves, but we must be careful with this also. Rather than try to look within and determine "where we blew it," we need to be responsive to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to search out and reveal the areas in our lives where we need to repent and change. When we take over and try to do God's work by becoming introspective, we take on a burden that God does not intend us to bear. We have freedom and righteousness through the blood of Jesus. It is essential, however, to be obedient to any change that He reveals to us.
 
THE OTHER PERSON: It can be incredibly challenging to avoid judgment on "the other person." In scripture, there are instances of persons who are not a part of a covenant, residing in the land of the covenant. Those faced with a spouse living in adultery have a similar situation. While the term "alien" is applied in scripture, we can better refer to them as non-covenant persons.
 
In Genesis 16 and 21, we see Hagar was a non-covenant person. Her relationship with Abraham came into conflict with Sarah's covenant relationship with Abraham. This story is a striking example of how fear (lack of faith) leads to deception, sinful actions, and hardened hearts. As a result, Hagar and Ishmael (the child born of the non-covenant relationship) had to leave. However, we do see that God cared for Hagar and Ishmael and sent an angel to speak to them and declare a blessing over them. We must remember that God loves the non- covenant persons just as much as He loves us, and He has a plan for their lives and the lives of children born outside of our marriage covenant. They are not our enemies!
 
Our attitudes and actions toward the non-covenant person will affect our own reconciliation. We should ask ourselves two questions. First, do my attitudes and actions toward the non-covenant person create strife with my spouse? Second, how would Jesus respond to this person in this situation?
 
 
STEP 3: FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE
 
We must forgive quickly. Unforgiveness is a two-edged sword. It traps and binds those involved in the offense, and it can keep us from experiencing God's forgiveness in our own lives. It has even been said that unforgiveness is a prison in which we hold ourselves.
 
We must forgive repeatedly. There is no limit on the number of times we forgive. In the Lord's Prayer, we are given a model of how to pray. In that prayer, we ask to be forgiven as we forgive others. Just as we continually need forgiveness, so we need to forgive others. Sometimes it maybe every five minutes, but whenever the occasion or thought occurs, we need to forgive consciously.
 
There is no limit on what we are to forgive. Jesus provided us a model in forgiveness. He not only forgave adultery (see John 4:17-39; John 8:10-11) but even forgave those who rejected and crucified Him. We are to conform to (imitate) God's nature of forgiveness.
 
 
STEP 4: USE GOD'S WEAPONS AGAINST SATAN'S ATTACK ON OUR MINDS
 
The Word of God is the weapon we use to do battle in the realm of the Spirit.

• Use the weapons of spiritual warfare to remain victorious and help your spouse be freed of adultery. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
•  Take control of your thoughts by refusing ungodly thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
•  Satan flees when we resist him. (1 Peter 5:8-9; James 4:7) Jesus resisted the devil with the Word of God.
•  Meditate on the Word of God. (Psalm 119:99) This helps build faith within us. It helps us control our tongues and avoid strife. We gain wisdom and understanding to deal with difficult circumstances. And ultimately, when we meditate, God's Word promises us peace. (Isaiah 26:3)
•  Pray in the Spirit to strengthen yourself. (Jude 20; 1 Corinthians 14:2; 2:11; 13:1)
•  Speak decrees and declarations over yourself, your spouse, your children, and your situation. The mouth is the launching area for spiritual warfare. (Proverbs 18:20-21; Psalm   107:2-3; Ephesians 4:27,29-32) God directs us to SPEAK OUT His Word. (Joshua 1:8)

 
STEP 5: SEEK GOD'S WORD FOR YOUR COMFORT
 
While God is undoubtedly willing and able to heal our emotions, we also have a responsibility to encourage ourselves in the Lord. As we read and study His Word, the Holy Spirit will illuminate specific passages that will minister to our hurts and bring healing and hope. This "illumination" is God making the written words a revelation, or Rhema, to our spirits. This is when His Word truly becomes "the bread of life" and a "lamp unto my feet. "
 
Here are some Scriptures the Holy Spirit may use to minister to you:
 
2 Corinthians 1:4 "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
 
Psalm 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."
 
Isaiah 57:18-19 "I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far," says the Lord, who heals them.
 
Psalms 55:22 "Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."
 
Mark 5:36 "But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, 'Don't be afraid. Just have faith.'"
 
John 14:27, "I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
 
PRAYER
Father, just as David came to you with his feelings of hurt, betrayal, and rejection, we come to you also. Lord, we hurt, too, because of the adultery in the lives of our spouses. We give you the hurt, betrayal, rejection, anger, and confusion. We release these to You so that Your healing can be released to us. We see what adultery has done to our children, and we hurt for them. We release this hurt, also. Reach inside us, Jesus, and bring inner healing. Your Word says You came to "heal the brokenhearted and to set at liberty them that are bruised." We receive healing for our broken hearts, wounded spirits, and damaged emotions. We forgive our spouses for the adultery and also forgive any others involved. We ask forgiveness for any wrong responses we have had. We ask You to continue our healing process and thank You that we are being set free—body, soul, and Spirit. Amen.
 

NOTE from the Directors:
Friends, I am SO completely excited for what God is going to in and through you as you read the last blog of 2020. It was written by my sweet friend and prayer partner, Rebecca Wells. You may have noticed that we have taken a longer than usual break from blogging since the end of October and here's why.

Since the first week in November, I started personally training a new group of CK leaders, so that we can continue to meet the needs of the growing ministry. YOUR needs. Getting into groups. The truth is we have been overwhelmed and blessed by all of you who have decided to join us in our journey of finding the TRUTH of God's best for us in our marriages. That is not an easy or quick task. We love you all and want to help each and every one of you, but the burden is heavy and the workers are few.

That's where Rebecca steps in...

Rebecca is not only a sweet Southern stander, but she and I share something that neither of us can explain.....a "knowing" of when each other is in trouble, a willingness to reach out and a burden to pray for each other's families.

So, as I was overwhelmed and unable to get to all of my work, Rebecca knew it in the Spirit, stepped in and wrote a blog for me. She texted me, and humbly asked if what she wrote could be of help. After I wiped away the tears of joy and relief, I PHYSICALLY felt a BURDEN lift from my shoulders. My sister in Christ lifted my burden. I am forever grateful that the Lord put her in my life and that she was willing to take action.

I hope you are blessed by what God gave her to share with you today. I certainly was. I cried tears of joy as it ministered to me when I read it. Please leave us a comment on FB or Instagram to encourage Rebecca. She is truly ONE OF A KIND!

Wishing you a blessed New Year!
Deana

By now, I'm sure that most of you have seen the memes about this year soon to be one of hindsight; after all, hindsight is 20-20.  Anybody cringe a little bit when you hear that?  Maybe give an eye roll because you're just so over 2020, so over the pandemic, so over politics, so over family, marital, employment, financial issues...just so over it all?  Did you receive bad news this year?  Maybe you received good news?  A lot or a little of one or both?  Have you found yourself saying, "Why, Lord?" more often than usual during this year?  Are you now feeling fearful about what's to come in 2021 because of all that has happened in 2020?

In the midst of all the headlines, I found myself many times this year saying, "Lord, what in the world is going on!?" So many things that happened this year just made no sense at all, at least to me. But then I was reminded of a study we did as a church a few years ago called "The Story" by Randy Frazee. If you have not heard of this book, I highly recommend it. It has a companion study guide and sheds some light on the concept Jesus poses in the Lord's prayer when he says in Matthew 6:10, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven." As Frazee (2016) reveals, two stories are going on at one time, the Lower and the Upper:

"There is the Lower Story. Humans live on earth and see things from a horizontal perspective. We don't know what is around the bend but must decide which way to go, where we will live, and how we will respond to what happens to us. We focus on getting through the day as best we can. We interpret why we think other people do what they do. We struggle to know why certain things happen and why other things don't happen. Then there is the Upper Story. This part is how the story is unfolding from God's perspective from above. Heaven is breaking into our world more than we recognize, and the story of God's seeking love, perpetual grace, and longing for a relationship with ordinary people is breathtaking" (p.7).

We live in the Lower Story, which feels very one-dimensional at times. We see all that goes on around us and all that happens to us, good and evil, and in our limited vision, we often have difficulty making heads or tails of life's circumstances.  They, at times, feel out of context.  But God is the ONLY One through Whom ALL context is made possible.  When we look for His Upper Story, we can gain insight, clarity, and a small, humble understanding of His perspective.

As I remembered this delineation between the Upper and Lower Stories, my question of what's going on became, "Lord, what are You doing!?" That is when some clarity about the events of 2020 came to me, and I had a tiny glimpse at the Upper Story that I want to share with you.

So, what did the Lord do in 2020? 

He allowed us to have some 20-20 vision, or as an ophthalmologist would say, "Perfect vision." 
This year was by no means perfect, but if every one of us prayerfully and thoughtfully looked back, we would see where God gave us clear sight (20-20 vision) for at least one thing in our lives. How many of us asked God to show us something happening on the other side of a mountain in our lives (pick your mountain), or we asked for answers about a health issue, or we asked for more Patience (haha!), or maybe we wanted to know what a loved one was really up to (eeek!).

"Call to me, and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."  - Jeremiah 33:3 (ESV)

Did you call upon the Lord for something in 2020, or even in years prior? For some of us, He chose 2020 as the time to provide the answer. He never promised that we would like what it was that He wanted to show and tell, but He did promise that He would answer us.  Some answers were bad news, some were good news, but they were answers provided by our God, Who loves each of us so much! Maybe you got word that your prodigal is coming home, or your cancer is gone, or perhaps something else that was good news...Be sure to Praise God (and share that news to encourage others)!  Maybe you got a cancer diagnosis, perhaps a word of a non-covenant marriage, or maybe some other bad news...Well, at least now you know, and you and God can face this together...so Praise God (and share that news so you can be encouraged by the prayers of others)!
  
I can hear some of you saying, "Rebecca, God didn't give me an answer to what I called on Him to know…" My response is that yes, God still did answer you. He answers us with Yes, No, or Wait...whichever one, it's still an answer.  Maybe you were the recipient of a Wait answer from the Lord this year.  Trust me when I say there's a good reason that God may be having you wait on His answer. For example, I went for an entire year without knowing I was divorced (sounds stupid, right?); no matter who I called or where I went online to try to find out, God blocked me from the answer each time. This part of my testimony is a story for another time, but I can look back on that year and truly understand why God did not want to give me the answer in the midst of some health problems I was having. If you did not receive your answer this year, your 20-20 insight might just be that God wants to protect you from an answer you cannot know just yet...remember, His timing is always best!

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9 (ESV)

So, Lord, what's the deal with all the bad news? His answer to me was straightforward. First, we spend too much time focusing on various forms of media instead of focusing on Him, which spreads fear like wildfires. Second, God was ready to bring things happening on a global scale into the Light.

"For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all." - Luke 8:17 (NLT)

This year we saw corruption, scandal, pure hatred, and just plain sin finally revealed in places we may or may not have suspected. We saw deep wounds finally being exposed, brought into Light and fresh air so God can ultimately help those wounds heal. For many of us, things brought into the Light were deeply personal, and for others, it was more of a shared experience.  Regardless, all these things happened and were brought into Light in God's timing.  Ripping off band aids is not a good feeling, but it inevitably becomes necessary so healing can take place.  If you were in the midst of a sin that got revealed, go to the Lord and repent, He loves you and wants all of you.  If you were on the receiving end of another's sin that got revealed, go to the Lord and pour out your pain and tears, let Him heal you with the balm of Gilead and the blood of Jesus, and ask Jesus to help you forgive the person.  No matter what the Lord brought into the Light for you this year, don't be afraid of what's to come; just trust Him.

"For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord." - Psalm 112:6-7 (ESV)

And then there's this pandemic that the world is still dealing with. There's a lot that any of us could say about COVID-19 and how our way of life has been impacted. Just remember there's an Upper Story here. I received only one word from the Lord about this pandemic, and it is "re-prioritize." This word will mean something different to everyone, but through the pandemic, God is trying to help us prioritize that which is most important to Him and what should be to us as well.  If you have not yet received the Lord's guidance in this area, but you've been feeling this longing that something has to give, I encourage you to seek the Lord about what He would have you prioritize as you move into the new year.

Please keep in mind that there is WAY MORE to the Upper Story of 2020 than what God has revealed to me, but for the purpose of this article, I hope this glimpse into the Lord's perspective will bring you peace and comfort regarding what has passed and hope for what the Lord has planned for the future.  Do NOT let the events of 2020 make you fearful for what's to come in 2021.  Remember, if you find yourself sinking in the Lower Story, look toward God for a glimpse at His Upper Story.  He is Faithful.

"But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one." - 2 Thessalonians 3:3 (ESV)

Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Rebecca Wells
Savannah, GA


"May the God of peace be with you all. Amen." - Romans 15:33

BY: Carolyn Johnson, Former Director, Restored Marriage

Each CK’s story is unique, but there are often similarities woven through each one when shared. While keeping covenant with our spouses, each of us has suffered loss, struggled with God’s timing as we’ve waited for our prayers to be answered, and dealt with thoughts of betrayal. We continually need to be reminded that Jesus sees our pain and is doing something to help us in all those areas.

Our stories of loss and heartache may be different on the outside, but the grieving and wrestling with “a marriage that is no longer” often have a similar storyline from one person to another. Somehow our questions, fears, and grief over a “marriage gone wrong” draw us together. That is the reason why being with other CKs feels like something better than a family reunion.

Personally, at the beginning of my stand, I was mad at God because I didn’t view Him as being “good” like the Word said He was. A broken heart seems to do significant damage to our human soul. There is a considerable gap in our life as well as in our hearts when a spouse departs. But being angry with God was a waste of my energy because it was caused by misplaced anger. Remember, God and our spouses are not the problem nor our enemy.

A marriage relationship can be a sweet gift to experience. There truly is nothing else like it. However, a broken marriage can cause tremendous pain. If we allow the Father to do so, this painful experience can thrust us into His loving arms. I have often wondered if I would be the spiritual woman I am today had I not walked through those years of divorce. I have found that Jesus is always ready and able to meet us with comfort and hope – no matter what the situation appears to be.

The death of a dream or joy for a family that lives “happily ever after” often gives birth to another plan – what if God would restore my marriage to something even better than I ever hoped or dreamed? But the devil tells us that waiting for that dream to materialize is hard and that I deserve a better life now. He is a liar; there is no truth in that statement. You can be assured that God is growing something beautiful in your life. A scripture that we don’t often quote is Roman 5:3-5 (MSG), “There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience, in turn, forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”

How often have we all heard Craig Hill (the founder of Family Foundations International, FFI) say that the process of keeping marriage covenant is not about you but rather about the Glory of God on earth? Somehow, during all the struggles with keeping covenant, these same struggles teach us that God is indeed sovereign. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord, will turn into good. In an article, Sarah Walton, “Desiring God,” gave me many of the thoughts expressed in this posting. She says, “What has gradually changed my perspective on my life, my child, and my family’s struggles is that it’s never been about me. When I believe that life is all about my happiness, when I think that I could do more if I didn’t have this hardship or miss out on what life could have been, I get discontent, anxious, and downcast. But when, by God’s grace, I trust that nothing happens apart from His will and sovereign plan, I am encouraged and strengthened, knowing that He is working in and through even my darkest days, to make me more like Him. It is in the midst of our darkness that His light shines most brightly to those around us.”

When we are in the middle of a “pity party” and no one is in the room with us, we need to be reminded that we need more of Jesus. He is the only one that will fill the gap created by our missing spouse. The book of Revelation says that He, the Lion of Judah, the Root of David, is the only one worthy to open the seals on the scrolls in heaven. Revelation 5:8 tells us that there are bowls of incense filled with the prayers of the saints in heaven. Think about all the prayers you have prayed for your family. Those prayers fill bowls and bring a sweet fragrance into heaven. The next time the devil tells you that God doesn’t care about your struggles, be reminded of this truth. You are so crucial that your prayers are a sweet fragrance in heaven. He knows each family member and is working out His good purposes in each of our lives – often in ways we don’t expect.

Sarah goes on to say, “If you have been entrusted with a road that has been marked by loss in your parenting” and marriage (added by Carolyn) “and are struggling to see beyond the pain, I pray that you will be strengthened by remembering that your family has been divinely chosen to display God’s glorious redemption story. Although we aren’t promised healing (physical or mental) on this earth, we are promised that Christ will not waste one tear we shed over the painful effects of sin and brokenness within our world. You are not hopeless, you are not alone, and your losses will not have the final word.”