Three Reasons Why You Don't Want Your Spouse to Come Home Before It's Time

BY: Deana Bell, Director, Restored Marriage
Have you ever heard of "God's perfect timing?" What we see in the following verses is proof that not only does God "know best," but that we should be patient and wait for His best.
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." (Proverbs 16:9 NLT)
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV)
"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God." (Lamentations 3:25-26 MSG)
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He is the one who will keep you on track." (Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG)
"But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." (2 Peter 3:8-9 ESV)
The first reason you do not want your spouse to come home before it's time is that you don't want to step out of God's planning for you and your spouse. Like the last verse in 2 Peter says, what we consider the Lord being slow is actually his kindness and compassion for us. Just imagine that the Lord was NOT compassionate, and your spouse came home before it was time. I think the most significant risk would be that they would leave again, reinjuring you and your children. Trauma is one thing, but when we are re-traumatized, it creates a pattern that can only be broken and healed by the Lord. Experts will tell you that trauma to the mind requires time and effort to re-train our thoughts to align with His will.
Secondly, waiting on God's timing grows our faith in the process and allows us to have a testimony that will bless others. Just think, if your spouse turned around and came back home only a few weeks or months after the initial separation occurred, what would have been accomplished? I'm not saying God COULDN'T do it if He wanted to, but would we have had time for our faith to grow? Would we have had time to trust that the Lord is in control? Would we have had enough time to seek God's will for us, or would things go back to the "bad" normal?
Think about the testimonies that you find most impactful. Those are usually the ones that resulted from the worst situations.
I have said it MANY times that the 13 months that I spent separated from my husband were some of the best in my entire life. That is partially because I woke up most days and gave the Lord His due praise despite what circumstances I saw before me. Because I chose to spend copious amounts of time seeking the Lord's voice and will for my every move, I became very intimate with the Lord, like never before. That treasured time is not something that I would ever want to give up on having.
And lastly, God needs to get the glory for your story. If our spouse comes home before we have surrendered them over to the Lord, we will be tempted to think that it was something we did to make it happen. God gets the rightful glory when it is blatantly evident that HE is the One who made it happen.. As Proverbs 16:9 describes, we can make our plans, but the Lord is the one who makes us able to live them out. Without Him, genuine, complete, and utter restoration is not possible. He is the author of our very being. He knows what's best for us, even if we can't see it or understand it.
Everything comes in His perfect timing.
Just like He knew EXACTLY how many times to make Joshua and his team march around Jericho's walls. Until it was time to blow the horn and make the walls come tumbling down.
He knew exactly what order and timing to create the sun, moon, stars, animals, and humans. There was an order and a purpose for that order.
The rains did not fall on Noah and his family until the ark was built. Everyone was safely inside, and the doors were shut.
Just like He parted the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites at the right time. They reached the water's edge and could go no further until God opened the way.

I could go on and on…
Will you give up YOUR thoughts and dreams, and frustrations today? Will you give the timing of your restoration over to the Lord? He knows best.
Once you have done that, resist the temptation to take it back from Him. When the devil tries to trick you into believing your circumstances are too overwhelming, that it's too late, or whatever other lies he feeds you, resist him. He will flee. He has to in the name of Jesus.
Let's pray…
God, you are good. You are so good to me. You love me more than I will ever know or understand until I get to heaven. Lord, I give my spouse and my restoration to You. You can have it. I know that I am putting it in the most capable hands possible by giving it up to You. There is no one greater than You. You can and will make all things possible in Your perfect timing. I trust You, and I believe that Your plans are the best plans, not what I have thought up on my own. Thank You, Jesus, for loving me. Thank You, Jesus, for loving my spouse. Thank You for working all things out for our good. I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Amen

Deana is currently one of the Directors of Covenant Keepers, International. She graduated from the Dove School of Leadership through Chesapeake Bible College and received her Pastor's license in 2019. Previously she and her husband, Koji, served as the Mid-West Regional Directors of Covenant Keepers and as small group leaders in that area. She has a degree in Secondary Education as well as experience in counseling from a biblical standpoint. For the last 20 years, she has also served her family as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher. Deana's marriage has been restored since 2013.
She is passionate about having a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She has seen many miracles in her life as well as in the lives of the people around her. At her core, she is an encourager and disciple of Christ, spending most of her days ministering to people and digging into the Word. She also speaks at conferences, loves to write, and teach the Word of God. She and her family currently live and attend church in the Charlotte, NC area.
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