Radiant Joy

When we are standing, whether we know it or not, we are in deep need of healing. Often times, we are in this place because we have either avoided the healing or have not known that we needed it. When you are standing, it usually doesn’t take long for you to figure out that something needs to change. I believe that lasting, permanent, whole change is only possible through Jesus. John 14:6, one of my favorite verses, says, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

I came out of the womb in desperate need of healing. I was born to a fifteen-year-old child who was sent miles away from her family, in seclusion, to give birth to me. I can only imagine how she must have been feeling. I’m sure she was fearful. I’m relatively certain she felt shame. And most likely, she was in desperate need of healing herself.

I know very little about the day that I was born. I’ve often wondered what the weather was like that day. What were the doctors like? Was my birth mother in pain or was she given something to ease that inevitable journey? Who was present at my birth? Who held me first? Did I cry a lot or was I peaceful?

My parents can only answer the questions that I have after they adopted me at 6 months old. That’s a long time not to know or have any recollection of what your life was like. As a mother myself, I can remember almost every detail of my children’s birth stories and I recall them often for the two of them. But I don’t have those same answers for my own life.

I have often dealt with fear and shame in my own life, just as I imagined that my birth mother did.

It wasn’t until I was standing for my marriage that I started to find the help that I desperately needed. You see, even though I had spent YEARS in psychotherapy and tried every avenue I knew possible, I didn’t see Jesus as my healer. I put my trust in doctors, therapists, medicine, and everything else you can imagine. Even though I knew some of the promises of the Bible, I never applied them to my life. I was looking to the world and not to Jesus.

I often joked about my husband “saving” me from the life I grew up in. I even put him on a pedestal. Friends, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that if you put all of your focus on your spouse, you have no room for Jesus.

My process of healing with Jesus took some time. Sometimes I would feel Jesus healing me in the midst of reading His word. Other times I attended seminars, like Ancient Paths, and got great relief. I once had a therapist do an inventory on me. We talked about the major traumatic events that had happened in my life. We added them up after talking and we came up with 12. At first, I didn’t understand the look on the therapist’s face until he explained that most people came in with two or three traumatic events. He was stunned almost speechless that I had 12.

But mostly, my healing came through my tears. There were times that Jesus spoke things to my heart that I could have never imagined myself. That’s how I knew it was Him. As I began to listen to His voice it became stronger and more prominent in my life. Eventually, I was able to discern exactly when it was Him talking to me and when it was my own thoughts. Many times when Jesus would speak to my heart I would be a puddle of tears on the floor. There were other times when I had guttural cries that felt like my insides were coming out of me. Then there would be peace. A peace that I had never experienced before. A peace beyond my comprehension. A peace so amazing that I wondered if I had gone to heaven. A peace that only comes from Jesus.

So what happened next? Let me tell you, when you get healed, God will turn around and use YOU to help heal others. He will put people in your path with the exact issues you dealt with so that you can turn them to Him. It’s often laughable now, how many “standers” God has put in my life. They were people that didn’t even know what a “stander” was, but were already doing it.

This past weekend my husband and I had the blessing and the privilege to help facilitate healing at an Ancient Paths Seminar at our church. This was our third time doing it. I had the pleasure of witnessing people getting healed in Jesus’ name. There is probably nothing more amazing to me. These were people with deep familial wounds; people with addictions; people in major crisis; people just wanting more of Jesus.

So can I pray for you now?

Father, I pray, in Jesus’ name, that the person reading these words will hear Your call. That this person will know how intimately special they are to You. That you want nothing more than for them to be free of what holds them down. Father, you know what is in their heart. You know how they are hurting and it hurts You, too! Father, I ask that you speak directly to this person’s heart, like you did mine, and show them what needs to be healed. Show them, Father, that You are the hope and the glory forever and ever. Show them, Father, that healing IS possible when they open their heart to You. And then, lastly, Father, show them how to get their healing. Is it a deeper walk with You? Is it a seminar like Ancient Paths? Is it a cry out loud in a puddle on the floor session in their very own house? Only You know, Father. We won’t put You in a box. You can’t be put in a box. You can heal however You choose. My prayer, Lord, is that this person be whole. That they know the feeling of complete and utter peace. That they then choose to follow Your lead, and heal others in Your Mighty Name. Amen.

(The title for this article came through my husband, Koji, who specifically gave me the nickname, “Radiant Joy”)

Author: Deana Bell






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