PART 3: More Crushing News...The Move Out Day

BY: Deana Bell, Director, Restored Marriage

THIS IS THE LAST OF THE BLOGS IN THE THREE-PART SERIES THAT I DUG UP FROM MY JOURNALS FROM WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I WERE FIRST SEPARATED IN 2012-2013. I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME TO GO THROUGH WHAT YOU MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH NOW, AND HOW THE LORD WAS WITH ME THROUGH IT ALL.
 
"So we've told the children, told my parents, and my husband is spending a week in a hotel room. NOTHING, I mean, NOTHING, seems right about this. Part of me wants to run to him and be held in his arms, and part of me wants to let my heart harden. Neither of those seems appropriate. For days I had no idea what to do with myself. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't clean or do chores. I barely took a shower, threw my hair up in a bun, and plopped myself back on the couch. On one of those first days, my husband decided to take the kids sledding. Watching the three of them walk out the door without me was my first shock at realizing that I would be spending some time alone, and I better get used to it. Again, nothing seemed right about it. I should be going with them. I should be laughing and sledding and having fun. BUT my mighty Lord had other plans for me...
 
Within a week, I got the news that my husband had found a permanent place to live. A year-long lease. Yes. A. YEAR. LONG. LEASE. I was crushed beyond belief. A large part of me genuinely hoped that I would wake up, which would all be some terrible dream. No dream, Deana. No dream.
 
On February 4, 2012, my husband showed up at our front door, rang the doorbell, and prepared to move his things out. But IN MOVES GOD!!! As he took each box out of the house, each piece of furniture, each sweatshirt, each toothbrush, my heart broke a little more with each piece. I panicked for a second, ran up to the closet, and grabbed the last thing he had worn. A dress shirt from the week before that he had worn at work. It smelled just like him. And because I wasn't ready to give up my fight, I sealed it in a Ziploc bag and hid it in one of my drawers. At that moment, the prospect of never smelling his skin again or lying next to him in bed was too overwhelming for me.
 
I can't remember exactly how it happened, but I was on the phone with my best friend, who currently lives in New York in a God-planned moment. For me, this friend had been there four years previously when I had FIRST gotten the news that my marriage was breaking down. Back then, she lived right around the corner, and I spent many moments in her kitchen, crying as she hugged me, listened to me, and prayed for my husband and me. Now she was many miles away, but as we were on the phone this day - the move-out day - God was calling the shots.
 
She began to pray for me as I sat defiantly on the one piece of furniture my husband hadn't taken out of the basement. As I sobbed into the phone in a way I never have, she and I took turns reading from the Bible. First, it was Psalms 131-150, and then it was the book of James.
 
Psalm 132:11-12 reads..."The Lord swore an oath to David with a promise he will never take back: I will place one of your descendants on your throne. If your descendants obey the terms of my covenant and the laws I teach them, then your royal line will continue forever and ever."
 
Remember that word "covenant." This great word comes strongly into my story later on.
 
Psalm 136 repeats over and over..."His faithful love endures forever."
 
It was all starting to sink in as we took turns reading. I am reasonably sure that my neighbor, who was helping my husband move out, thought I was utterly insane. At first, I read quietly with my head down, tears rolling down my cheeks. And then, with each word - "promise"..."covenant"..."faithful"..."forever" - I gained strength, and with it, loudness, confidence, and hope.
 
In the book of James, we read in Chapter 1:12, "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
 
Verses 19-21 say, "you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls."
 
Even though God's words have such power, it wasn't in His plan to have my husband hear those Scriptures, stop what he was doing and repent. That was MY plan.
 
As he drove away, my friend, still on the phone, said, "Deana, God is giving me some words for you. I think you need to write them down and proclaim them in each room of your house."
 
READY FOR THIS?
 
As she told me what to write down, I digested the words and obeyed them. In each of my rooms, I read the following:
 
"Satan, I rebuke you for attempting to destroy my marriage. I rebuke all of your evil ways. This battle has already been won and fought by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This victory is MINE, not yours."
 
Pretty intense, huh, for someone whose former churches never spoke about the Devil?
 
BUT it didn't make me uncomfortable. I knew I was doing the right thing. Following the above verses from James, I decided to take some of it LITERALLY, especially the part about "getting rid of all of the filth and evil in your lives." I'm not incredibly proud of what I did next, but it felt like the right thing at the time if I'm truthful.
 
Let me preface this by saying that I DO NOT believe that my husband is evil. I DO think that he had been under the false truth that Satan had so readily provided him.

So, I started in the upstairs and got every piece of everything that my husband left behind. Mugs, pictures, a razor, dirty laundry, hair gel - all nicely placed out on the lawn for him to pick up upon his return. For those who would like to believe otherwise, this was NOT an angry rant made to make my husband look foolish. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Rid my home of anything that might still be in Satan's grip."

"This, however, was me playing dirty. Disobeying the rules. NOT listening to God's word about forgiveness or love, or faith. It was me, being human, leaving a Bible, and my dress from our vow renewal on the front lawn. I am not perfect."

"In my journal, on this day, I wrote 'The #2 Worst/Best Day of my Life.'
 
#2 because "D-day" (Separation Day) was the worst day.
 
Worst because I can't imagine many things more gut-wrenching than watching your husband physically leave your relationship.
 
And Best because...

1. God thought enough of me to appear on this day and guide me through it, with the help of a loving friend.
2.  God had given me words to stand on: promise...covenant...faithful...forever.
3.  God allowed me to be angry, within reason, and to be totally human.
4.  God put His mark on my life and my marriage.
5.  I started a fantastic journey...one which will have a happy ending."

DEANA BELL:
Deana is currently one of the Directors of Covenant Keepers, International. She graduated from the Dove School of Leadership through Chesapeake Bible College and received her Pastor's license in 2019. Previously she and her husband, Koji, served as the Mid-West Regional Directors of Covenant Keepers and as small group leaders in that area. She has a degree in Secondary Education as well as experience in counseling from a biblical standpoint. For the last 20 years, she has also served her family as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher. Deana's marriage has been restored since 2013.
 
She is passionate about having a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She has seen many miracles in her life as well as in the lives of the people around her. At her core, she is an encourager and disciple of Christ, spending most of her days ministering to people and digging into the Word. She also speaks at conferences, loves to write, and teach the Word of God. She and her family currently live and attend church in the Charlotte, NC area.