Separating the Person from the Demon

BY: Deana Bell, Director, Restored Marriage
One of the most important things we can learn during our covenant-keeping days is how to separate the person from the demon that controls them.
 A few weeks ago, we posted a blog about dealing and decreeing the Word over your husband or wife.  That necessity is born out of the reality that the enemy can destroy the image of what we once knew as our spouse. I don't want to talk about the particular sin or even how the control over your spouse happens, but what I DO want to talk about is how to recognize and separate the two.  It is vital and can't be overemphasized enough.

Most times, a divorce or separation blindsides us. It seems to come out of nowhere, but the fact is that the enemy has been lurking for a long time. (see 1 Peter 5:8) When he finally can bring about the crisis in your marriage because of sin, the stander is usually the one blindsided. But the enemy has been speaking to your spouse for some time, and this did not come about suddenly to them.
However, the real goal here is to separate what we once knew as our spouse from what we are currently seeing. In the early days of separation and divorce, the enemy will come on strong and not give up. He will be relentless and try to convince us that we are crazy. It is fruitless to put our hope in anything but the Word of God.
Imagine you are in this situation: your spouse comes home, and you have no idea where he's been. You simply ask the question and get a response that is out of the ordinary. He is immediately angry and refuses to give any details of where he has been. Anger (or sometimes silence and avoidance) is your first clue; this is your cue to begin praying. It's best not to fight with the enemy; let God do the work for you. Retreat to a safe place and start your work.
You can start by praying three of my favorite verses:
  1.  "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV)
  2. "For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him." (Psalm 34:7 NLT)
  3. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land." (Job 1:10 ESV)
After you have calmed yourself, ask yourself the question, "Was that like or unlike my spouse?" If the answer is "unlike," you can almost be sure you are dealing with the enemy.
But please do not fear. Scripture tells us:
  1. "No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn.." (Isaiah 54:17 NKJV)
  2. "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." (Luke 10:19 NIV)
  3. "I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27 NLT)
If this becomes a pattern for your spouse, I would begin the process of binding and loosing. (See Matthew 18:18) In our Covenant Keeping group settings, we teach a great lesson on the reasons behind binding and loosing and how to do it. Matthew 18:18 tells us that whatever we bind on earth will be bound in Heaven, and whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven. You want to restrict the "bad" thing and loose the "good."
For example, you would want to bind anger and frustration, and you would then want to loose the godly. You can start with the Fruits of the Spirit. (found in Galatians 5:22-23) Loosing things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control is a good place to start.
This primarily binds the demon and allows the person to (probably temporarily) hear from the Lord. This separates the behavior you are seeing in your spouse from the true identity they have in Christ. Prolonged anger that is not righteous is not from God. That means that a spirit has influenced your spouse to become angry. Usually, it's repetitive, unrepentant sin that turns into selfishness, pride, and shame. Because those things are "hidden" and not brought to the Lord to deal with, the demon can continue to operate.
Here is where we need to remember who our spouse is in Christ. Sometimes the anger and conflict have gone on for so long that we forget. But we must remind ourselves. It is imperative to our stand to continue to hear from the Lord. We must stand WITH GOD, who sees our spouse differently.
God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), not the sin. God sees a tormented person who needs to be freed. God sees a son or daughter. God sees a man or woman who desperately needs Him. We have to continuously remind ourselves, as the stander, that what we see in the natural is not what God sees in the supernatural.
We see anger. He sees peace.
We see frustration. He sees patience.
We see unkind words. He sees words of blessing.
We see lies. He sees Truth.
Does that make sense? We must STAND or align with what God sees, not what we see before us.
Ask any person that has been standing for very long, and they will most certainly tell you that it is probably one of the first lessons they learned. Those who are stubborn and don't get it at first, lose. They unknowingly align with the enemy and become bitter and angry themselves. You can stand bitter and mad for a while, but not for long. It will get the best of you, and you will quit.
I spoke to a Covenant Keeper today that said something so wise to me. She said that what kept her going was not her love for her husband or the prospect of vacations or date nights together once again, but "the ministry assigned to her husband." She said, "It was never about me or my happiness, but about all those that would miss out on knowing the Lord because I quit my stand, and my husband never came back to the Lord and fulfilled the calling on his life."
Isn't that profound?
Let's pray…
Lord, I confess that I have been tempted to see my spouse by the enemy's ways. I have forgotten who You have called my spouse to be. I have seen the natural, not the supernatural. Lord, I am sorry, and I turn from my ways. Lord, I want to align myself with Your Word. Your Word for my spouse, my marriage, and our ministry. Lord, I believe that you are the God of All Things, that You care about this situation and that You want to help me in my walk. Lord, show me how to separate my spouse from the demons. Show me how to see what You see. In the face of anger and frustration, help me see peace and patience. Help me see with Your Eyes. Thank you, Jesus, for coming to my rescue. Thank you, Jesus, for intervening. Thank you, Jesus, for dying for all of these sins so that my spouse and I don't have to, and we can live forever someday in Your Glory. Amen.
Deana is currently one of the Directors of Covenant Keepers, International. She graduated from the Dove School of Leadership through Chesapeake Bible College and received her Pastor's license in 2019. Previously she and her husband, Koji, served as the Mid-West Regional Directors of Covenant Keepers and as small group leaders in that area. She has a degree in Secondary Education as well as experience in counseling from a biblical standpoint. For the last 20 years, she has also served her family as a stay-at-home mom and homeschool teacher. Deana's marriage has been restored since 2013.
She is passionate about having a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She has seen many miracles in her life as well as in the lives of the people around her. At her core, she is an encourager and disciple of Christ, spending most of her days ministering to people and digging into the Word. She also speaks at conferences, loves to write, and teach the Word of God. She and her family currently live and attend church in the Charlotte, NC area.
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